Thursday, April 08, 2010

Big Business

I've spent most of today with Craigslist. I've listed a bunch of hunting equipment and gear, and some other things, and I've also been looking for likely candidates to do some work around here that needs doing. I've a barn that needs cleaned out, junk to haul off, and some heavy housework that I just can't manage on my own, plus Bella was given a playset by her grandmother over a year ago that still hasn't been assembled. Lots of stuff.

I have a bit of trouble staying on-task with Craigslist, because there are just so many fabulous diversions to be had. Usually, the good stuff is from other places. Urban areas. Big cities. New York and San Francisco. But by golly, Arkansas is catching up.

I've just solved all my problems, I think. In looking for house cleaners, just stumbled across this local guy, with an ad titled, "Butt* Naked Stud Monkey." What will Butt Naked Stud Monkey do for you? What WON'T BNSM do for you?

"Will do odd jobs around the house fully unclothed 5o buckaroos an hour can call me Lambo."

Lambo, don't sell yourself short. You hold firm to that 50 buckaroo rate--don't haggle! Stud Monkeys are rare enough; Butt Naked Stud Monkeys even more so.

Upon refreshing the page a bit later, I found a new listing, titled "Male House Cleaner Needs Houses." Looks like someone is trying to build a new business, but I was curious why he needed to include his gender in the listing. His ad says he's been cleaning houses for 10 years, and then kind of as an afterthought, adds, "I offer bottomless cleaning also." OK, really? Is this something that's in demand? The thought of some random guy in my house with no pants on is disconcerting enough, but when you add in activities that will have said random guy bending, stooping, straining, grunting...yeah, I'm gonna pass. Then again...what if these guys really are the best, and it's the pantslessness that frees them up to do such a superb job? Hmmmm.

Now to compile a list of household chores that don't involve bending over.

*Exactly when did we go from the phrase "buck naked" to the phrase "butt naked?" That doesn't even make sense. What does it mean? "I'm naked...EVEN MY BUTT?"


  1. The following asterisk on "Butt*" could be a disclaimer.

    *my butt is not naked because who would swing a hammer with no britches on?

  2. "Hey, can you make sure you wash under the coffee table? And don't forget to dust the baseboards!"

    Um, no.

  3. I never really knew if it is "butt naked" or "buck naked." Neither makes sense to me. C

  4. I'm not sure when the buck/butt shift happened, but I for one am glad for it. "Buck naked" is a racial slur, referencing the fact that young African slaves tend to run around naked. "Buck naked" is equivalent to saying "naked as a nigger."

  5. Jer, I suspected that the origin of "buck naked" was a racial slur, but I was thinking it was probably referring to Native Americans. Never bothered to look it up, though.

  6. I had no idea that it was a racial slur. Now I feel awful for having used that phrase a time or two in conversation!

    Incidentally, this post made me spew coffee all over my keyboard. But it was worth it. I'm so happy that you're blogging again!