Upon Alex's regaling me with a gruesome story of some poor woman's freak decapitation accident (she survived):
Me: "Honey, PLEASE stop telling me this story, because it is really awful and gross."
Me: "I know that this is the kind of thing that you've been waiting to tell someone ALL DAY, but that someone is not me."
Alex: "But you're my wife! Who else am I supposed to tell stuff to?"
Me: (taking his face in my hands, and speaking sincerely) "You have got to make a friend."
Alex: "But I don't LIKE any other people."*
Me: "And I appreciate the occasional lifting of your contempt for humanity in general in honor of me."
*This is a lie. But he likes to act like it's true.