Monday, January 29, 2007

Yelling At My TeeVeeeee

First, I apologize for the photo quality here. I'd gotten nice clear screen-shots from my little 7.2 MP camera before, but how to do it with the 10MP monster is eluding me somewhat.

I will say without shame: I LOVE "24." Last season ("Day 5") just cemented this sentiment for me. I love it. I love Keifer, I love the action, I love the split-screen moments and the little beeping tick of the counting clock. I love it. Clear?

Still, I'm not above pointing out flaws in those I love--just ask my husband. The Yelling At My TeeVeeee moments from tonight's episode were mainly over just a couple of things:

1. When Nadia has her security clearance bogged down because Homeland Security is using racial profiling against even federal agents (she is Muslim), Milo, her supervisor, logs her in on her computer with HIS user ID, so she'll have full security clearance again. OK, fine. Of course, as I yelled at my TeeVeeee, as soon as Milo tries to log in anywhere else in the building, so that HE can work, all the alarms at CTU are going to sound, and they're both getting busted. This has even happened on the show, in an earlier season, when a Bad Guy was illicitly using Chloe's security clearance to log onto a computer. But whatever.

2. The "official bio" of the character Jack Bauer states that he is 5'11" tall. This tickles me to death, because Keifer Sutherland is only 5'10" himself. Why did they have to add a measly inch? But hey, you don't notice it too much, I mean, it's only an inch, right? At least until you put Jack in a scene with his father, and the father is played by James Cromwell (the farmer from "Babe"). James Cromwell is 6'7". So, this leaves me yelling at my TeeVeeee, "GET FARMER HOGGETT OUT OF THE SHOT WITH JACK!!" I also had to insert a few well-timed, "That'll do, Pig"s, but I wasn't yelling.

Seriously. This guy is supposed to be Jack's Father, and Jack is supposed to be slightly taller than the actor who plays him. Don't. Shoot. Them. Together. At the very least, let Jack stand on a box, or get him some of those special movie-star "I Am Not Short" shoes for those scenes. Tom Cruise has to have plenty of extra pairs lying around somewhere. We, the loyal viewing public, some of whom have unnatural attachments to this Bauer character, do not need to see him looking up vertically at someone like a little kid visiting Santa Claus. It just takes away some of the "tough," you know?

Not that Jack needs to be a big giant guy. "Big" doesn't mean "tough," right? And come ON. We've seen some of the stuff Jack has had to do. Spies built like Heisman candidates wouldn't have lasted 10 minutes in some of the tight squeezes Jack's been in. So he's not of Brobdingnagian proportions. So what? But don't visually "diminish" our hero by having him sky-gazing at a co-star who is supposed to be blood. Enough on that.

So last week, my Very Special Yelling At The TeeVeeee moment from "24" had to do with a special effect. One that the makers of the show are very proud of, since they feature a "making of" video of it on their official website. See, there's been a new-cue-lar asplosion. Havoc has been wreaked. In just one isolated incidence of derring-do, Jack is presented with a crashed helicopter, which is in danger of FALLING OFF THE ROOF OF A BUILDING at any minute, and there is an injured person inside! See? Oh, noooooooos!

Except then, they do a wider shot, which gave me my first "I call shenanigans" cue of the evening, by showing that the "building" is a house, and the impending deadly fall of the 'copter would be...oh, about 12-15 feet? Hey, if the crash into the house didn't kill you, you'd probably survive an additional fall from this height. That's Jack up on the roof--don't use him for perspective; they're playing with our heads already on that issue.

Except: We all know that when anything with a fuel tank makes impact with anything else on action television, explode, it must. You may be asking yourself, as I did, "But wait--it din' asplode when it hit the roof, why is it more likely to now?" Silly TeeVeeee viewer. We didn't SEE the crash to the rooftop, really, now, did we? Also, Highly Paid Action Star was not involved at that time. Onward, to the rescue, which proceeded in the expected fashion, with Jack extracting Victim just before the helicopter falls off the roof and, as promised, explodes in spectacular fashion (And Victim is perfectly fine, as you can see in the second picture here. Apparently he just needed Jack to unbuckle his seatbelt for him).

Okayfine...but. And here is where I give props to the wonder that is TiVo, because although I spotted this with my naked eye, I couldn't have confirmed it without the magic of frame-by-frame viewing. Because, you see, the chopper didn't asplode on impact, after got blowed up, right enough, but the process had a bit of help prior to impact,

They ignited the thing on the way down. And this drove me a little nuts for a few minutes. And then I took pictures, blogged it, and felt better. I still love you, "24."

If you're still with me, here's a special Yelling At My TeeVeeee bonus, just for you. The WORST FAKE GIANT BOULDER SINCE "STAR TREK," courtesy of "Monk." Yaaay for papier mache' and spray paint!!


  1. I can't believe you didn't include Graem or however they spell it (obviously wrong, eh?) as compared to Farmer Hoggett. Now he's REALLY short. And bald. So were Jack and Graem adopted by Farmer Hoggett? Because those two siblings are as different as night and day.

    Also, how can you possibly comment on 24 without mentioning EVIL WEASEL Tom? I mean, is he not the most disgusting character ever on 24? Every time he opens his mouth, I want to take a shower. Evil, I tell you!

    But hopefully President Palmer2 (PP2) will figure out that he is not only a complete and total weasel, but he's going behind PP2's back and playing like the constitution is optional. Um, doesn't it remind you of someone else currently in government?

    I'm curious to know how much of Jack's back story is going to be revealed. I like his Uncle and Grandpa Bauer never even though to ask how Kim is. Which might be good, as then we would actually have to see her, and she is so annoying I can't take more than 10 minutes of her.

    But on the topic of annoying, how about that Sandra? PP2's sister is a big dolt. She's the black Kim. I do not like her.

    I'm happy that Karen is going back to CTU. I think her statements to PP2 were brilliant, but I was screaming at my TV, Rat out the Weasel. Get the Weasel.

    I am way way way too involved in this show. I think I need downers to watch it because it just gets me all excited!

    "That'll do, Margalit"

  2. There is ALWAYS a "toady" character trying to undermine the president on 24. Don't worry. He'll get his.

    They stitched up the Kim angle nicely (at least for now) in the first episode, when Jack instructed that she was not to be told he was out of China, since he thought he was about to be killed anyway. I'm betting she makes an appearance.

    Do you remember Graem from last season? He was totally there, a "bad guy," but not identified as Jack's brother, I didn't think. Or was he? I sure don't recall it if he was.

    I don't scream too much about the plot, because it's such a long story arc. Besides, we've already seen a preview for next week that shows Jack with Graem once again strapped into the torture chair, so we know he'll get out of his current pickle. I did, however, have a snort when Graem left and said, "Call me when it's over." CLASSIC VILLAIN MISTAKE! Does no one watch Bond movies?

    But I did whoop and yell at the way he escaped via jugular-chomp that time.

  3. Ummmmmmm, Belinda. Is this what Alex had in mind when he got you that lovely new technologically advanced camera??? That you would be taking pictures of TiVo images. Just wonderin'

    BTW~~ I have never seen an episode of 24. never. My daughter is ashamed of me.Especially since she has a 5th grader in her classroom named Jack Bauer!

  4. I'm so glad I'm not the only one yelling at my TV. I mean? Hello? Do you think we won't notice? And critique? Loudly.

  5. avalon--thank goodness, for that 5th-grader's sake, he's too old to have been named *after* the TV character. And yeah, I'm pretty sure Alex had an idea that in addition to "improve my photographic skills," I also had plenty of "take photos of random inanity" on my agenda.

    WWK--Seriously. That rock. Look at that ROCK. Alex and I both said "Star Trek Rock!" in unison, like we recognized it.

  6. BTW, they couldn't get Donald Sutherland to play Jack's dad? I was SO disappointed when I saw Cromwell. I really thought they might pull off a Double-Sutherland. I guess Keifer's new $40-million contract didn't leave them with a lot of dough for guest-stars.

  7. No, not just a seat belt. The door was stuck. And an old TV antenna was able to pry it open. Remember?

    But hey, we do get Powers Boothe on the show next week!!!! Woo hooo!!!

  8. Personally, I think they should've gotten Donald Sutherland to play Jack's father, But that's just me. :) And re. James Cromwell, since Babe is one of my favourite movies ever, even weeks upon weeks of Six Feet Under didn't wipe the Farmer Hoggett thing from my mind.

    (Excuse me while I go now and re-apply my mascara after reading another artcile about Barbaro's demise. Why is it that I can still cry at the drop of a hat over tragic animal stories?

  9. Crap. I should read the other comments before I leave my lame witticisms.

  10. kapgar--yes, lucky someone's home was still retrofitted for 1972 aerial reception! Hee. That was the segment when I just thought, "Can Jack get a MINUTE TO REGROUP, people?" Remember, he was all dazed and in shock, and this guy comes running up to him blabbering 90 MPH about everything going on...and finally Jack just snaps out of it, and says simply, "Show me." *siiiiiiigh*

    andrea--we did a lot of "That'll do, Pig"ing during SFU, too! Poor James Cromwell. He's done a LOT of work, but Babe just sticks with him! And yes, Barbaro. I don't really understand how a stabled, pampered horse worth that much money contracts laminitis. I don't. Bless his big heart.

  11. I so agree that Donald should be his dad! I THOUGHT Graem had been in last season, but I just couldn't figure out when/where/why!

  12. i don't watch it, but this post was hilarious.

  13. I have never seen "24", so have no idea about any of this:o) I did enjoy your post and love your photos of the TV screen. Who would have thought that your new camera would come in handy:o)

  14. Reading your blog is like watching Mystery Science Theater 3000.

    And I was also pondering the Cromwell-Sutherland size differential. Rumour has it they tried to get Sutherland Senior for the part, but his schedule conflicted.

  15. Oh Belinda. I watched the first season, but due to the lack of cable (we've talked about this before) I use my bunny ears only when absolutely necessary. This translates to American Snide'ol, Smallville and House, with the possiblity of Medium if I'm really interested and haven't had too much wine by 10pm.

    However, I do so love your re-cap, which makes those of us who aren't watching it wonder if we should be.

    Holy Set Designers, Bat Man! That boulder is looking rather high-school-play'ish. Nice catch!

  16. Oh this was so funny. I love 24 too, but I constantly have to yell at the tv.

    Why couldn't the man unbuckle his own seatbelt?

    And no wonder Jack's brother hates him... Jack got the tall genes AND the hair.

  17. you sure that boulder wasn't used for the Car & Driver 2007 Truck of the Year award for the Flava Flav model?

    Beam me up Scotty!!

  18. Loved this post. And I don't even watch 24. Maybe it's because I use the phrase "that'll do pig" so much (it's amazingly versatile and useful in a multitude of situations).

  19. I still have 24 on the DVR to watch, so I'll make sure to yell "Star Trek Rock" just for you, mmkay? And is it okay if I think of Jack's brother as "Romano who got his arm sawed off by a helicopter blade on E.R."? Thanks.

  20. So funny, I needed the laugh!

  21. I absolutely love "24" and all it's coolness, including the super-hottie Keifer! And my hubby and I love shouting at the tv at various points during the show to give them our criticisms, but we still love it. It's one of those kind of shows, isn't it?

    Our favorite thing to shout lately is, "Torture him!" Anytime anything needs to be found out from an uncooperative character, that's what we shout. Sometimes it seems like that's what they need to resort to every other episode. We think it's funny.

    Anyway, thanks for a chuckle, I will be reading again soon.