Thursday, January 11, 2007

Out and About

So, Alex and I are on our way out of the medical building after a psychiatrist appointment the other day (I know, I know, so many of my stories start out that way), and on the elevator on the way down, a very tall and slightly gaunt and spooky-looking gentleman got on at a lower floor, and rode down to the lobby with us. Being the mature, considerate jerks that we are, my husband and I just shot each other one discreet glance during the elevator ride.

As soon as we were outside, and thankfully free of earshot, Alex says, "He could have been one of those...what were those bad guys from Stephen King? The tall men?"

Me: "What? No! You're thinking of The Tall Man from Phantasm." (laughing hard)

Alex: "Why are you laughing?"

Me: "Because the guys from the Stephen King books, with the flashy cars and the yellow coats, were the LOW men."

Alex: "So? They could've been tall. And low."

Me: "Please shut up. But wait--if they were tall, then how could they also be LOW?"

Alex (stooping over): "Maybe they were hunkered over."

Me: "That would have made them The Hunkered Men. And please stop walking like that."

Alex (still stooped, now making a gruesome face and using a creepy voice): "Right. The Huuuuunkered Men would be WAY scarier."

He should totally make movies. Out of books that were made into movies that he's confused with other movies. I'm sure there's an audience.


And then, today? On the way to the wonderful, quaint little rural Arkansas feed store that I patronize for all my agricultural needs? We passed by a little restaurant that I hadn't known existed, called the "Java Cafe and Pasta House Italian Restaurant." Out front was a blackboard with daily specials chalked up.

MONDAY: Baked Spaghetti

TUESDAY: Fettucini Alfredo


That last part would have been a lot funnier if I had just posted the picture I took of the sign with my Motorola Razr phone, just like I would love to have shared the pictures I took of the smashed front of the Wal-Mart Supercenter that day last week when someone tried to drive their car through the front doors of the grocery section. Except... me and my stupid Motorola Razr phone? We hate each other, and I don't know how to send or receive pictures on it, and I mourn my "old" cell phone. So if you have this Razr phone, and you can help me out, holler. Just remember that you'll have to talk to me like I'm five. And hard of hearing. And from some ancient civilization whose language only exists anymore in overblown Mel Gibson movies. Use subtitles.


  1. I don't have a Razr, but I do have a Motorola q - and the way I get photos off my phone is by sending them via bluetooth to my computer. Does your computer have bluetooth? It's super easy to transfer the photos if you do...Give me a holler, and I can help you out!!

  2. Funny, as I was reading about the guy on the elevator, I thought the same thing as Alex, and I've never seen or heard of the other movie/book!

  3. Hunkered men? Yea, a gripping horror story about a room full of accountants. I'm terrified :) You crack me up.

  4. Taco salad is the new Italian. You know, like Applebee's deep fried green beans are the new vegetable.

  5. How about a combination character for a movie..... a Tall, Low, Hunkered man who only eats Italian (or mexican) while talking on his Razr. Too much?

    BTW.....uhhhh hello!!! Puppies? Photos?

  6. How about a combination character for a movie..... a Tall, Low, Hunkered man who only eats Italian (or mexican) while talking on his Razr. Too much?

    BTW.....uhhhh hello!!! Puppies? Photos?

  7. I'd watch Alex's movie.

    There were Tall Men in some other story I read once. They hid behind lamp poles.


    You're conversations always remind me so much of my own.

  8. It is terrible when you start mixing story lines and characters together:o)

    I can not help you as I am not able to get the photos off of my phone either! I emailed one to myself, but don't know how I did it.

  9. I am so sorry Belinda, but all I can possibly hear is static until I see a photo of THOSE puppies.......Did you REALLY have another litter? :0)
    There may be a revolt...I could organize you know.....

  10. Between you and the comments I'm about to laugh myself sick today!

  11. I have a RAZR and know how to send pics, but I dont' think I could successfully explain it. It's kinda complicated.

  12. The scary thing is, no matter how confused, convoluted or "crazy" Alex's statements are, YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT! That scares me for both of you!

  13. I immediately thought of The Gentlemen from the Buffy episode "Hush" am I right?

    Also, puppies? Deep fried Green Beans? I need to know more about both of these, please.

  14. OMG, that was the scariest BTVS episode EVER. And I don't know about the fried green beans, but I suspect they come with a high-fat dipping sauce. Is Applebees a Southern franchise?

    Puppy pictures are forthcoming, I swear.

    Yes, I do. I always know what he means. So did you, with your husband, you know...and he said some equally ridiculous things, some of which we are trying to bring back and spread nationwide, like, "Don't let your tail fly up, now!"

    Melissa needs to come over and explain stupid phone to me.

    Dixie is a treasure, and everyone should go check her out.

    jules, yes! And just to deflect attention, you could try posting something on your blog. *ahem*

    kim, I did fine with pics on my old phone, but this new one is, I think, not compatible with Alltel or something.

    dan--I've said it before, and firmly believe it: We could totally hang out.

    avalon: Low Tall Hunkered Men are SCARY. And yes, puppies. Coming. Swear. Bella just ran in here crying, preceded by Delta (SP) running in and hiding behind a chair. This can't be good.

    WWK--I could not believe it, but then I saw a commercial with said beans, which I think were being dipped like french fries into something? Holy cow.

    scribbit wins the comment that made me snort unattractively award. "room full of accountants." *snort* SEE?

    Cece--The Tall man pretty much has the market cornered on, well, tall scary men, doesn't he? And shouldn't you be in labor, already?

    rhiannon--will try to contact you, because we did get our computer to "recognize" the phone via Bluetooth, but didn't get any farther than that. HELP!!!

  15. Ok I have a Razr and I will be glad to try and explain it. Ok. Go to your pictures. Put the cursor on the picture you want to send. In the bottom righthand corner of the screen is an options button. Push it. Send is one of the options. Push ok. This should take you to the screen to put in the address or phone number you want to send it to. Just type it in as you would a text message and send it. Hope this helps.

  16. When I get as far as "send" it just immediately says, "SENDING..." and then does that forever until I turn it off, even though I haven't given it anyplace to send TO! I hates it. My old phone worked exactly the way you describe.

  17. I wish I could offer you some sharp insight on this razr dilemma, but here at my house, I am the queen of "I don't care just make it work", and sadly have nothing to offer that doesn't include a craftsman hammer and replacing your lovely phone. Or, even better, taking a picture of your phone with the picture on. How very technical of me.

    Thank you for your blog! I will add to my favorites!


  18. Sounds like something is wrong with the phone. Have you tried taking it down to the cell carrier?

  19. I think it's a problem with your phone. I have that phone and don't have any problems.

    Well, no problems with the phone. Other problems, I have tons of those.

  20. Know what? That sign is still funny to me even after reading it again! Please please fix that phone-camera-dysfunction of yours so that you can also send me pictures of the faces Alex makes during your sessions AND of the tall, gaunt men you meet in elevators. Tell them, when they ask why you are taking pictures of them, that you have a friend you'd like to hook them up with so they don't think you're a freak.

    What movies do you suppose they compare you to after THEY get out of the elevator, huh?