Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Manna From Canada...nna

Manna From Canada...nna

Oh, boy! Snackies! In the mail! "Shreddies" = Wheat Chex, only better. "Smarties" = M&Ms, only not as good (but still good in their own way, if you know what I mean). "Wild Pacific Smoked Salmon" = Main ingredient in high-class, late-night snack, for our post-boxing anniversary celebration this Saturday. And here's where it gets serious.

Yeah. Americans? Listen up. I got stuff to tell. Like the revelation from the previous post, about the non-drain microwave method of cooking "Kraft Dinner," or the wide availability of over-the-counter painkillers that actually WORK, wasn't enough, I've learned of more that the Canadians are keeping from us. Some stuff, like the macaroni thing, and the OTC codeine, are probably because we're just too stupid to be trusted with complicated cooking information or free access to effective drugs. But now, I'm suspecting another category of subterfuge--I think that the Canadians might be keeping certain good things from us because we JUST DON'T DESERVE THEM.

And then there is an additional subset, as illustrated by the famous Multi-Cultural Canadian Death-Candy, in which we don't deserve the goodness AND are too stupid to be trusted with it, but I addressed that last year. Thank heavens my Canadian friends keep me apprised of such things, so that I don't live my life in a state of America-centric oblivion.

CeCe had told me before about the glory of ketchup-flavored potato chips. I responded in the way that many of you are undoubtedly responding now: "Yeah, C., whatever you say. Potato chips that taste like ketchup sound just graaaaaaayyyyyyt. And then maybe I'll have some poutine." (turns aside, gagging)

So. The box sat there for most of the day, even getting put away in the pantry for a short time, and then curiosity got the best of me. I opened the box to find two shiny silver bags of chips inside. Late that night, I opened one bag, carrying it back toward the bedroom and absent-mindedly fishing out a tomato-red chip to tentatively sample. My mistake was that I kept walking, because I got to the threshold of the bedroom at about the same time the unearthly burst of ketchup-y bliss hit my taste buds. By the time I realized it might be best to keep this find to myself, so as not to have to SHARE, it was too late. If my facial expression hadn't given it away, then my exclamations, such as, "Great Jumpin' Cats, this is the best potato chip I've ever tasted in my whole entire life," made secrecy a lost cause, and soon Alex and I were fighting like stray dogs over every last shred of ketchup-tater goodness. Then he got up and HID THE OTHER BAG. Up high, where I couldn't reach it even if I could find it.

Skeptical Americans? I hear you, but I'm telling you, this stuff is...WOW. These chips don't just taste like ketchup, they allow you to taste everything that makes up ketchup: tomato sauce, vinegar, salt, pepper...mixed with potato. MMMMMMMMMmmmmmm.

This is powerful stuff. And THEY DON'T WANT US TO HAVE IT. Canadians? You could make a fortune selling this stuff on eBay. It's got better profit potential than 222s or Viagra. And we can't get it, apparently, from any U.S. distributor. Which is odd, because there IS a U.S. distributor for the brand.

So--how about it, my Neighbors to the North? Who wants to be my Old Dutch pipeline? All we have to do is figure out a way that it doesn't cost 4 times the value of the chips simply to ship them, and we are in BUSINESS. I guarantee that I can provide a steady stream of potential ketchup-chip junkies. Just get me the stuff.

And hey, look--I'm at least 63% deserving!
You are 63% Canuck!

Good for you! You make me sorta proud. Yeah, sorta proud, not really proud, but sorta proud. You show potential and that is something to be sorta proud of. If you actually did well, then I could be really proud, but you didn't so I'm sorta proud.

How Canadian Are You?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz


  1. Ahhhhh you are a lucky blogger aren't you. I see you are quite enlightened as well. Lay's potato chips makes a ketchup chip as well, but US distribution. And you are so right...they are the best chip ever to hit the lips of any potato chip fan. I have been known to be stopped at customs with an inappropriate number of bags. embarrassing!
    As far as Smarties are concerned..I think they get a bad wrap. They really can't be compared to M&Ms because their candy shells actually are flavored. The purple one is my fave-Black Currant and the orange is orange and so on. So taste them without compare and I think you will love them, too.

  2. Jules~You might be used to different Smarties. Probably the ones from England. 'Cause these Smarties are actually all one flavour. And they're similar to M&Ms. Apparently the English version has different flavours for each colour.

    Belinda~Meet me at BlogHer, I'll bring you a bunch of Ketchup chips! I promise!

  3. oh, and Poutine....Girl let's just compare Poutine to a bowl of eggs, grits,biscuits and a heapin' helpin' o' milk gravy. Potato...potatoe...... It's all finger lickin' good!

  4. I'm 66% Canadian, which kinda sucks considering I live so close to the border and all. Oh well, I guess Quebec is no longer a part of Canada, it's a country on its own within Canada.

    Have you access to Utz potato chips? They make a crab boil chip that is to DIE for. It's very hot and spicy, as they use Old Bay seasoning on the chips, but they are so freaking good!

  5. I could send you some bagged milk! :)

  6. Just so you know, Old Dutch ketchup is the best ketchup chip out there. Lay's doesn't cut it.

    I promise to send you cases of ketchup chips if you send back some Aleve. It's only available by prescription here, and it cuts migraines like nothing else. I send many people over the border for it.

    And Cherry Coke! Not that crap with the "vanilla".

  7. Ketchup chips are my favorite when I go to Canada!

    The funniest thing I ever saw there was "FBI" brand juice. I don't think that would be sold in the US with that brand!

  8. Zane goes to Canada for work about twice a month, I could ask him to bring some home, then I could ship to you. He already picks up itty bitty packets of peanut butter for my friend, Mocha Roca for me (maybe they have this here, but I have never ever seen it), so one more thing wouldn't kill him, would it?

    But, you better I don't try these fancy pants chips and hijack them.

  9. My hubby is Canadian and now lives in Australia - my fault, he met me and had to stay. Although maybe he stayed because in Australia you can buy OTC painkillers with even more codeine in them than in Canada. Woo.
    He still, 7 years later, goes on about how Canadian chips rule the world. I sometimes buy some Canadian goods from an importer based in Australia who buys containerloads of Canadian goods and ships them out and sells them. You might find somewhere US based that does a similar thing. Although getting friends to smuggle for you is probably cheaper :)

  10. Ketchup chips?!? Oh, yeaaaaaaahhhhh. Since I have loved to put Ketchup on my mashed potatos ( or taters, depending on geography), since I was a kid,these chips sound like perfection to me.

  11. I'm un-lurking today. Hi!
    Ketchup chips sound tasty. Now I want to try them.
    My advisor brought me a "Kinder Surprise" egg back from a conference he went to in Canada-land. He was highly amused watching me try to assemble the surprise enclosed within the heavenly, heavenly chocolate, until he couldn't put it together, either.
    My then nine-year-old got it together with no problems, though. Go figure.

  12. Belinda!

    They are made in the next town over from me here in Massachusetts...

    The deli across the street from me SELLS small lunch size bags of Ketchup Chips... 25 cents a bag

    I have never tried... but must now...

    Want some?


  13. Thank God I'm 100% Canuck this time. I think you beat me on the "How Canadian Are You?" quiz I posted on my blog a couple of weeks ago. How humiliating is that?

    Not to put too fine a point on it, I heard (only hearsay mind you) that even though the rest of the word has dollar coins (Canada=loonie), two dollar coins (Canada=twonie ~ clever, eh?), pound coins, Euro coins, etc., the USA tried it but failed because people were throwing away buckets of money thinking it was either play money or worth less than a quarter. Any truth to that? I don't believe it. *My* American friends are way too smart.

    On that note I'm off to get me some Timbits and a double-double.

  14. Ketchup flaovored potato chips? hmmm... What will those Canadians think of next?

  15. I see a trip to Canada in our future. We'll just take a few clothes and leave the rest of the room in the car for the chips.

    We'll see JenB, HerBadMother, Karen Rani.... a bunch of cool chicks.

    All of whom are hiding these fabulous chips from us. Just because we're American. Not. Fair.

  16. I'm american by birth but i moved to canada. It's a fair deal, we get ketchup chips, you get cherry coke. But imagine if the junk foods couldd live in harmony! Sitting on the couch watchin the tube while eating ketchup chips and drinking cherry coke! WHEN WILL THE JUNK Food war END

  17. I know. I still maintain that our neighbors to the north are holding out on us.