Wednesday, November 01, 2006

November Kickoff

In a moment of hormonal weakness, and because my posting has been so sparse lately, and I've apparently lost a lot of you and I want you back because I'm weak and pitiful like that, please, Baby, I'll do anything, and because someone held a gun to my head (seriously, someone should have that "more flies with sugar than with vinegar" talk with M. Kennedy, and mention something about Latin use being pretentious in the meantime), I caved in to the massive Blogosphere peer-pressure to participate in NABLOPOMO. Come to think of it, it's a good thing Fussy did NOT use sugar, because there are HUNDREDS of participants as is. Click on Yoda over there if you want to know everything, but for the sake of brevity (what, too late?), I'll just tell you that I've committed to at least a post per day for the month of November. I know that for some of you witty geniuses ('genii', M.K.?), this is no big deal, but for me, it is. Because lately, instead of the near-constant witty repartee' that used to occupy my mind (you'll just have to trust me on that--my brain used to be a constant 40's madcap romantic comedy, with bon mots and hilarious quips flying all about), what I'm hearing now mostly sounds like tumbleweeds and slide-whistles, with an occasional mental arm-fart thrown in for good measure. I'm blaming the hysterectomy aftermath--it's taking the rap for everything else, so why not?

Speaking of which, I have been OUT OF THE HOUSE now. Twice! Once was a couple weeks ago, to Wal-Mart, where I was forced to ride the little motorized cart, because standing up...well, let me explain to you about standing up and walking around in my particular post-op condition. My exterior incision healed MAD fast. Like, in 3 days. Seriously, my body does that, which is why I no longer allow surgeons to install staples into my skin when closing incisions, only to watch them disappear and then have to have them painfully dug out a week later. ANYWAY...thought that was gross? You ain't read nothin' yet. About the standing upright: The reason I can't do it for very long is because of--get ready--the weight of my intestines pulling on the hundreds of interior stitches/cauteries inside my abdominal cavity, where adhesions were repaired. LOTS of 'em. It hurts. So I take a lot of sitting-down breaks. And oh, yeah, before I forget, let me just record for all posterity that stitches. Are dissolving, and falling out. Of. My. Cervix. Thank you, and goodnight, while I put my head between my knees and breathe slowly and steadily for a few moments.

No, I do NOT know how someone who's had 10 surgeries can still be so squeamish. I have to limit my time on the HysterSisters website to about 5 minutes at a time, with hyperventilation breaks.

So, back to Wal-Mart. The motorized cart I chose ran out of juice in the middle of the "baking supplies" aisle, and Alex had to go and get me another one. Which, of course, he RODE back to where I was, cackling like a madman. All right, the cackling might have been in my head, but he was thinking cackling, I swear. And it was mad cackling. Also, I was Not Good with the motorized cart. I ran into a lot of displays, knocked a few things over, and possibly injured one Pentecostal woman (sorry). I did, however, enjoy that beeping, "LOOK OUT, I'M BACKING UP, AND THIS BEEPING NOISE MEANS THAT I AM NOT REQUIRED TO EVEN LOOK AND SEE IF ANY PERSON IS IN MY PATH! BEWAAAAARE!!!" That's right, the beeping puts the onus on YOU, the poor unfortunate soul in the path of my motorized shopping cart. Don't say you haven't been warned. I want one of those beepers installed on my very own person. I think a lot of you would, too, so don't judge me.

Anyhoo, that was my first outing (aside from doctor visits) away from home since my Terrible Horrible No-Good Awful Operation Day. The second was last night, Halloween. I haven't been in a terrible rush to post pictures, because it's nothing you haven't seen before. Bella dressed as--BRACE YOURSELF--a princess. Shocking, no? We took her to our church (I know--Halloween? Church? Wha?!? No fear, it was called a "fall festival," and Jesus was everywhere). Every year, our church, in what is really a great community outreach, offers a safe alternative to door-to-door trick-or-treating by holding "Trunk-or-Treat," in which volunteer church members decorate their cars and, well...fill the trunks with candy, and there are games and prizes, too. It's pretty cool, actually. Some of you who've been reading me a long time might recall that this is the event at which my dad, when confronted with a young boy in a Harry Potter (pre-film) costume, asked him, "Who are you supposed to be, Smart Dracula?" (Personally, I think "Nearsighted Dracula" would have played for a bigger laugh, but I'm assuming there was time pressure involved.)

Last night, the weather was iffy enough, having rained a little earlier during the day, that they moved the whole works inside the church, and MAN, was it crowded. Kids were everywhere. Every child had to register upon entering, and that job alone looked inSANE. There was a cheerful cop at the door (a real one, not just a guy in a costume--I'm guessing), too, so safety was being taken seriously. Bella was totally agog at the spectacle, and I can't say I blame her. It was WAY cooler than door-to-door. She just moved from table/booth to table/booth, gathering candy and playing games and delighting at all the costumes. And if she saw another princess? Well, that was INSTANT bonding. It was all, "So, where is your kingdom? Do you have a prince? Serfs? Cool." She got butterflies painted onto her face, which I think was the highlight of her day--at least until she got to redeem all her game-winning tickets for a prize, and chose a vividly-colored kite. We closed the place down, and came home WAY wound up, and laden with sugary goodness.

In fact, Bella was so excited over the whole thing, that we couldn't get her to sleep until almost 10:00 P.M. And me? Well, despite frequent sitting-down-on-the-floor breaks, the event did me in to such an extent that I couldn't even work up the gumption (is that a Southern word?) to get her ready for school today. So she and I spent the day in our underwear, eating cookies and candy and watching cartoons on TV and Beck videos on YouTube. Don't worry, we did have a nutritious lunch: sandwich for her, cheese-dip for me. You may begin sending in your nominations for Mother of the Year at your earliest convenience. When Alex got home, and looked into her plastic pumpkin, and asked, "Where did all her candy go?" I just pointed to the manic preschooler leapfrogging across the bedroom carpet, hammering out a rousing, "I MAY NEVER MARCH IN THE INFANTRY..." (seriously, where is my child learning these songs?).

And I just now realized that this post had NO real discernable point, and no beginning, middle or end. I don't know if that's what you can expect every day of November, but I hope not. There will be days, I'm sure, where you can probably expect some pretty lame content. I'd anticipate Google search reports, rants about TV commercials, spam subject-lines, and if I'm desperate enough, posts like this:

"My husband uses a deodorant for women."

But I promise you this, peoples: I will TRY. I want you back, and I will prove it. I love you. You can trust me. I will BE HERE. I realize that, thanks to the great influence of La Fussy, so will several hundred OTHER bloggers, but know that, when you're here? I love you for YOU. I don't judge. You complete me. You had me at "hello."

In other words? Please, Internets, come back to me. I'm your huckleberry.


  1. You have not lost me, I am still here:o)

    Our church does that also, but it is called "Hallelujah Night". Which is great and the kids love it. Oh, and we always do the ponies and 1 horse for rides (which my mom and sister did without me this time). The church here in Peru even did one and we took the kids and they had a blast. I will post more photos once I get them off my camera.

    The kids in my church kindergarten class love that song, "I'm In The Lord's Army"

    "I may never march in the infantry,
    ride in the calvary,
    shoot the artillary,
    I may never soar o'er the enemy,
    but, I'm in the Lord's army, Yes Sir.

    I'm in the Lord's army, Yes Sir,
    I'm in the Lord's army, Yes Sir,
    I'm in the Lord's army, Yes Sir."

    Repeat 1st verse and chorus as many times as wanted. There are also hand and other motions that go along with the song and the children love it.

    I didn't do the NABLOPOMO. because I will be gone a couple weekends and the ocmputer won;t be abel to travel to the far canyon we are going to here. I will read your posts and follow along, hoping your insides heal quickly.

  2. You are still entertaining and I still visit but I don't commment BECAUSE YOU NEVER VISIT ME! (Did you know my almost 16 year old dog died last week and it was hell?) Seriously, if you check your stats I'm sure you get plenty of visits (you are compulsively readable) but some of us are lazy.

    On that note, let's order dinner from Little Caesars....

  3. Awwwww... you haven't lost me! I'm always lurking around, waiting for your latest entry! :-)

  4. Awwwww... you haven't lost me! I'm always lurking around, waiting for your latest entry! :-)

  5. Ouch, Andrea is absolutely right! I've hardly been at anyone else's blog lately! In the last couple of months, especially, I've had this weird anxiety (much worse since the surgery) and have had a very hard time reading books and magazines, or using the computer for more than a few minutes at a time. I'm kind of hoping the post-every-day thing will snap me out of it. Maybe? What I posted this last week has been done in fits and starts, because all of a sudden, I just have to shut the laptop and look at the ceiling, or something. It's entirely possible I'm losing my mind.

    Oh, but Andrea--if it makes you feel any better, I have steered someone who seemed very interested in a commissioned equine portrait to you in the last week! (I'm coming over to your place now. Swear.)

  6. I also like how Dave is lurking twice. When he lurks, he really means it. So sweet.

  7. Well hell...I thought I made a comment yesterday. And it was funny.


  8. Yep, we're here. Just limping along (with you,) waiting for recovery news, and snippets of life happens!

    And about that song, I think it's more about not needing a bunch of equipment to "spread the word."


  9. Bueller, Bueller, Bueller------

    (raises hand timidly)


  10. Delurking, because a) I'm still here (I'll never leave you!), and b) that's *my* job this month as a non-blogger, to comment. We had a princess at our house, too; if you're ever in Portland, OR you can bring Bella by for additional princess bonding.

  11. I'm not much on posting comments (by the time I've read all the other witty comments I'm too intimidated) but if you need to know, I come here nearly every day, and I'm thrilled that so many of the blogs I read are doing the every-day-in-november-posting thing. Be assured I'll be checking up on you...;-)

  12. "Smart Dracula." I'll be laughing for DAYS.

    I also think my soon-to-be-4-year-old niece and Bella would have much to discuss. Her only trouble picking a Halloween costume was deciding which princess to be -- Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty... SO HARD to choose. She also has a little brother, almost 3, who, for the right price (a lollipop, most days), will stand around and let her pretend he's the prince.

  13. Thanks, Belinda. And I'm working on an equine thing right now -- my second since the turn of the millennium!