Yes, we're aware that there are more important issues in the world. But this household has been unusually wrapped up in the drama of the SpongeBob SquarePants "Best Day Ever" 24-hour marathon, in which the top 100 viewer-selected episodes were counted down, followed by a new regular episode and then the Network premiere of "The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie." Which is awful, but I digress.
Come on, I know we can't be the only adults to get sucked into the world of Bikini Bottom, and the whole bizarro concept that is SBSP. The suspension of disbelief that this show asks for is ENORMOUS, even for a cartoon show. It's set on the ocean floor. OK, you say. And yet, characters still take baths and drink water and go swimming at "Goo Lagoon." WHERE THERE IS A LIFEGUARD. In case a FISH DROWNS. SB's parents are normalish "natural" sponges, whereas SB himself is bright yellow, and square, as if they adopted a brand-new "Chore-Boy" or "O-Cello" sponge, and didn't tell him. He frequently blows soap-bubbles for fun. Underwater. There has been more than one episode featuring campfires. Underwater. Everyone uses electrical appliances and enjoys cooked food. Underwater. Mr. Krabs, SB's boss, is a widowed (we think) crab, with a daughter, Pearl. Who is a WHALE. No explanation.
And then there's the whole thing with Sandy Cheeks, the squirrel, who lives in an underwater "treedome" which is financed by a consortium of Texan chimpanzees who inexplicably have British accents, for the purpose of some vague "research and development" project. There's the fact that, in the episode in which SB meets Sandy, he is dried up to the point of near-death after only a few moments' deprivation of water inside Sandy's airy treedome. And yet, in the episode that was voted #1 in today's countdown, "Karate Island," he spends HOURS on dry land, with no visible effects. My point is, the show asks for ALL this, and much MORE, and...you give it. Sure, OK, fire underwater, crabs siring whale babies, whatever. It's just that entertaining.
And about that countdown: WHAT THE?!?!? I cry foul on the whole thing. I knew, when I tuned in for a little while around #50, and one of my top-ten faves, "Pressure," (this is the one that has Sandy squaring off on behalf of all "land critters" against the 4 main "sea critters" in a battle of superiority that has the seafolk venturing up onto dry land to settle a bet) was counting down in the #47 slot, that something had gone terribly, terribly wrong with the voting process.
Most of my favorites fell within the top 50, with several in the top 20 (I notice that many of my favorite episodes feature Mrs. Puff, and fear that I identify just a little too well with her), but the top two were TRAVESTIES. I'm demanding a recount--they must have used Diebold machines. I mean, the whole medieval episode is only unique in its length (30 minutes as opposed to the usual 15--which in turn translate to 11 when you exclude commercial time), and gets boring pretty early in. And the #1 choice, "Karate Island?" WE HATE THAT ONE. So yeah, I'm all in a twist over Sponge. Bob. This is what my life has become.
Respect Mrs. Puff, people! She brings it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Recognize.