Either I have bizarre timing, or you people pray FAST and with lots of clout. I just got a second call-back from the doc, telling me that the pathology report was in, and showed NO ACTIVE ENDOMETRIOSIS. None. My head swam, hearing that. How was that possible? What it DID show, however, was rampant adenomyosis...here's where it gets complicated: Adenomyosis IS endometriosis, but the term applies ONLY to endometriosis found within the muscular wall of the uterus. Which is very painful. Which I did not have before the Dr. Cook surgery. So good Lord, Dr. Cook, in that surgery 6 years ago, REALLY cleaned that mess up, if there is currently NO ENDO PRESENT in my abdominal cavity. This adenomyosis, this is new stuff (and frequently brought on by abdominal surgeries...I've had a few of those, you know).
And--here's the thing: It's GONE now. Because it's confined to the uterus, and the uterus is gone. Good riddance, diseased thing. Thanks for carrying my baby, but, well...it's over. And now I know: I was never going to get another baby out of that uterus. So all of THAT angst can now be bid farewell. Maybe not the grief, but at least the second-guessing. The organ was bad, was gone, was beyond help. You can't grow a baby in a womb filled with fibroids, polyps, and adenomyosis, and it wasn't going to get better, and the chance of "cleaning it up" in a 40-year-old woman, and giving her a chance at conception? Slim to none. And I'd have been debilitated that whole time, simply by pain. Whoopee.
I'm still having trouble believing all this. It's seems too good to be true. But more than once in my life, I have felt a similar response to answered prayers, and I have to remind myself of a Bible story that has always been a favorite--it has come to play in my life before, particularly through a very tough ordeal with Alex. If you want to look it up, it's in Acts, chapter 12. But basically, here's the deal: Disciples and followers of Jesus were being persecuted and killed...I think James had already been put to death. Herod had imprisoned Peter, under guard of 16 soldiers, intending to have him publicly executed after Passover. Groups of the faithful were all over the place, praying for Peter's miraculous release: basically, praying for something that just wasn't possible. (this is SO paraphrased, sorry) Anyway, an angel was sent to Peter to release him and bring him out of prison. Broke his chains, the whole deal. Big miracle. So Peter went back to his home, where there was a large group of his brethren gathered, constantly praying for him. A servant girl heard his voice at the door, and ran back to tell the men, "Peter is here! He is free!"
Their response? Did they rejoice, and run to fling open the door and praise God? Um, no. They told the servant girl, "You must be crazy," and ignored her, and went back to praying for Peter's release. (Still paraphrasing, but I swear there is some form of that in there, and I know the NIV uses the word "crazy.") So I am trying really hard NOT to be like those Biblical dolts, who'd spent DAYS praying CONSTANTLY for something, and then when it came, said, "Oh, that can't be right." I am still all in wonder, that this could really be over. From what I can tell, the only possible thing to regret would be the removal of my one remaining ovary, which really didn't have to go. Bless its little ovarian heart, it's been chugging along so bravely all these years, and has given me an amazing child all by itself, and how do I thank it? By yanking it out. But we just didn't know.
Thank you all for your well-wishes, healing vibes, gifts, cards, emails, and especially prayers. Believe or don't, makes no difference to me, cuz I'm pretty darn fond of all of you, no matter in how many ways we may differ. But thank you. And can I just tell you: The Big Crazies? At least 85% gone now, just like that. *snaps fingers*
I'm considering deleting my previous insane posts, but I'm thinking that perhaps there is someone out there who just might benefit from the rollercoaster of madness that I've been through in the last few days, and especially today. Or maybe not.