Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Yeah, Scratch That.

Either I have bizarre timing, or you people pray FAST and with lots of clout. I just got a second call-back from the doc, telling me that the pathology report was in, and showed NO ACTIVE ENDOMETRIOSIS. None. My head swam, hearing that. How was that possible? What it DID show, however, was rampant adenomyosis...here's where it gets complicated: Adenomyosis IS endometriosis, but the term applies ONLY to endometriosis found within the muscular wall of the uterus. Which is very painful. Which I did not have before the Dr. Cook surgery. So good Lord, Dr. Cook, in that surgery 6 years ago, REALLY cleaned that mess up, if there is currently NO ENDO PRESENT in my abdominal cavity. This adenomyosis, this is new stuff (and frequently brought on by abdominal surgeries...I've had a few of those, you know).

And--here's the thing: It's GONE now. Because it's confined to the uterus, and the uterus is gone. Good riddance, diseased thing. Thanks for carrying my baby, but, well...it's over. And now I know: I was never going to get another baby out of that uterus. So all of THAT angst can now be bid farewell. Maybe not the grief, but at least the second-guessing. The organ was bad, was gone, was beyond help. You can't grow a baby in a womb filled with fibroids, polyps, and adenomyosis, and it wasn't going to get better, and the chance of "cleaning it up" in a 40-year-old woman, and giving her a chance at conception? Slim to none. And I'd have been debilitated that whole time, simply by pain. Whoopee.

I'm still having trouble believing all this. It's seems too good to be true. But more than once in my life, I have felt a similar response to answered prayers, and I have to remind myself of a Bible story that has always been a favorite--it has come to play in my life before, particularly through a very tough ordeal with Alex. If you want to look it up, it's in Acts, chapter 12. But basically, here's the deal: Disciples and followers of Jesus were being persecuted and killed...I think James had already been put to death. Herod had imprisoned Peter, under guard of 16 soldiers, intending to have him publicly executed after Passover. Groups of the faithful were all over the place, praying for Peter's miraculous release: basically, praying for something that just wasn't possible. (this is SO paraphrased, sorry) Anyway, an angel was sent to Peter to release him and bring him out of prison. Broke his chains, the whole deal. Big miracle. So Peter went back to his home, where there was a large group of his brethren gathered, constantly praying for him. A servant girl heard his voice at the door, and ran back to tell the men, "Peter is here! He is free!"

Their response? Did they rejoice, and run to fling open the door and praise God? Um, no. They told the servant girl, "You must be crazy," and ignored her, and went back to praying for Peter's release. (Still paraphrasing, but I swear there is some form of that in there, and I know the NIV uses the word "crazy.") So I am trying really hard NOT to be like those Biblical dolts, who'd spent DAYS praying CONSTANTLY for something, and then when it came, said, "Oh, that can't be right." I am still all in wonder, that this could really be over. From what I can tell, the only possible thing to regret would be the removal of my one remaining ovary, which really didn't have to go. Bless its little ovarian heart, it's been chugging along so bravely all these years, and has given me an amazing child all by itself, and how do I thank it? By yanking it out. But we just didn't know.

Thank you all for your well-wishes, healing vibes, gifts, cards, emails, and especially prayers. Believe or don't, makes no difference to me, cuz I'm pretty darn fond of all of you, no matter in how many ways we may differ. But thank you. And can I just tell you: The Big Crazies? At least 85% gone now, just like that. *snaps fingers*

I'm considering deleting my previous insane posts, but I'm thinking that perhaps there is someone out there who just might benefit from the rollercoaster of madness that I've been through in the last few days, and especially today. Or maybe not.

15 comments:

  1. Oh Belinda, this is such awesome news! I am so thrilled and relieved for you.

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  2. Such good news compared to the post below. Keep up the good work. Ms Girl is making something for Ms Princess. It might take a few days, but it should arrive in the mail soon. I'll call again in a couple of days.

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  3. I'm so glad to hear that you feel better than you did earlier today. I wouldn't be too worried about the "insane post," as you put it. You've had so much pain and doubt to deal with for so long, not knowing whether you were making the right choice or how it would all turn out - I'd be surprised if you didn't experience a bit of an emotional roller coaster after all that. And if it comes back again, just remember: it went away once - it can go away again. I imagine it's going to take a while to adjust to this new reality.

    Hang in there lady. And give Alex a hug for me for doing so a great job (and if he licks you in response, don't blame me - that was all Mocha's idea). *grin*

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  4. What an answer to prayer!! So, you can start on whatever you need for the anxiety and hot flashes. etc.. Yeah, I am so happy about this report for you. Lots of happy hugs for you and Alex for sticking this out and hanging in there.

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  5. VERY good news!! Sending in more good vibes from the coast.
    As a side note, My husband had back surgery in Jan. and his doc told him it takes a week or 2 just to get the anesthesia out of your body and it does all kinds of funky thangs to your body, emotions et al on it's way out.
    Same kinda roller coaster. He wasn't himself for a good week.
    Hang in there girl. We're all rootin for ya!!

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  6. So glad you are back home and, now feeling better.
    Give yourself lots of time to adjust and rest. You have so much love surrounding you. Drink it in.
    And take the Xanax.

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  7. Thanks, all. I am SO taking the Xanax. And just a reminder, the email address to use (which I haven't yet had a chance to check) is ninjapoodlesATgmailDOTcom.

    Now I gotta lie down again.

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  8. Love ya B. Glad you're feeling better spirited!

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  9. Such good news - on to bigger and better things!

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  10. B,

    Real quick...I used to get HORRIBLE night sweats...(it sucks). When you feel well enough to talk/visit, I'll venture over, and we can whine together. I HAVEN'T had ANY since I've been on the esterin (sp??), but "anxiety-ridden" still seems like a state-of-being to me...wouldn't know how to live any other way. UGH

    Side note about the horses...sorry to hear about Bella's pony!! My friend Diana who lives in Mt. Vernon just had one diagnosed with EPM today, and she's devastated. Mike's her vet too, so he can probably tell you more about Barrizzah next time he's out.

    Call me when you feel like having company! I'll head that way (and bring CHOCOLATE).

    Love ya!
    L

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  11. Come any time. Something I think we need a crusade about is the misleading quality of terms like "hot flash" and "night sweats." I mean, it sounds so...BENIGN. You know? Even I thought that, when it was discussed previously, that I would have to suffer through "hot flashes" and "night sweats." Hey, no problem, I said! I mean, how hard does THAT sound? A "flash" obviously lasts mere seconds, and a little sweating at night? BIG DEAL. HAHAHAHAAAAHAAAHAAA!

    So obviously, something must be done about this obviously male-originated terminology. I am offering, as my suggestions, "temporal agony" and "the misery of the swamp-fevers." I may have to post about this. There, I just did.

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  12. Hey Belinda~~~~ Keep hangin' in there! I have been thinking about you and your family and have been encouraging the Poodles to send some CT magic your way. I know at least Sadie is working on it cause' she's up in her crate at night scheming. At least I hope she's up to something good in there. Ackkk---knowing her, probably not.

    BTW, please DO NOT delete your earlier post. Not only can it help someone else, it can also serve as a marker for you to gauge just how far you have come.

    Keep healing!

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  13. Rest! And I am like you-- I would take comfort in the fact that the uterus was in worse shape than you knew. For me, that would make the ordeal seem more worth it, as if it's something you can measure. I'm just trusting you know what I mean.

    Best to you.

    AG

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  14. we love you. You deserve the answered prayer. Good call on having the faith to believe this is it, and being thankful for it.

    Just sorry it's accompanied by "rapid-cycling temporal agony" and "the seemingly eternal misery of the swamp-fevers."

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