Yeah, it really has been a whole week, with no posts! How'd that happen? This whole hormonal nonsense really socked it to me the last week, and I just didn't feel like interacting with the world, much. AND, to tell the whole truth, well...Cards in the playoffs, literally couldn't tear myself away. Sad, huh? But I want to put that Molina in my pocket and bring him home and pet him and feed him cookies. I love catchers anyway, and he's just especially precious, with his baby face and teenage-girl hollering. And I'd really like to cut Jeff Weaver's hair, and remove everyone's soul-patch. Thank you. Anyway. And I don't want to hear any nonsense from you Detroiters when my redbirds get eaten up by those tigers--let me enjoy my happiness until Saturday, at least. That's all. (And here is my single, grudging nod to the Mets: Tom Glavine is freaking awesome, and Jose Reyes is HUGE fun. There. Oh, yeah, and that catch by Chavez: supernatural. Happy?)
I had a birthday Monday, and now I'm old. Yup, apparently it happens JUST LIKE THAT. I'm 40. I'm in a whole new horse-show amateur class division now (if I were still showing): "40 AND OVER." Because, you know, that's just IT, the 4-0. I think that phrase sums it up, pretty much, if you just insert a comma: "40, and OVER." Blech. Whatever.
Bella's birthday is tomorrow, and I made her a cake with chocolate frosting and TONS of pink sprinkles to send to school with her. They're having some kind of "harvest party" anyway (and yes, I bit my tongue instead of mentioning to the administrators of the Christian preschool anything about the pagan overtones of a "harvest party," but that's neither here nor there), so she'll be totally spazzed out on excitement and sugar by mid-day, and then Alex will bring her home to me at exactly NAP TIME. HAHAHAHAHAAAA. Wheeeeeee.
We're gonna do "family" presents tomorrow, on her actual birthday, but because one of Bella's friends is having her birthday party this Saturday (and also because I am just not up to it yet), Bella will have to wait another week for her party with her friends. We're trying to explain to Magic that she's gonna be totin' a bunch of kids around that day, and asking her to please not be a grouch about it. That pony is going to be sporting SO much purple, head to toe...seriously.
Had a nice therapy session today, which went well until Dr. Wonderful made me talk about my horses, and I bawled like an idiot. Gee, turns out losing the horses and the showing and just that whole scene is a lot more painful than I realized. Thanks a lot, Doc, and knock it off, OK? Things are going well; let's just lay off the horses for a while.
So even though I'm apparently now "OVER," I don't feel any different (well, aside from the hormone-driven INSANITY which is purely coincidental to the birthday), and I had a nice birthday and birthday weekend (new RUGS, y'all!), during which I got to listen to my newly-programmed schizophrenic iPod--seriously, it was hopskotching around from Sting to Vivaldi to Cake to Jill Solbule to Bill Withers to Reel Big Fish to Gustav Holst, etc. It was mildly disturbing but simultaneously pleasant to segue from the plaintive strains of a Bach cello concerto right into "Apache," but hey, don't act like you're better than me, 'cause you know you got some weird combos on your MP3 player, too. I had a particularly lovely hour watching Alex and Bella dance together, first to the Sugar Hill Gang--and I'm talking the 15-minute mixes here--and then slowing it down for Bill Withers and Ziggy Marley. Bella does not let anyone else lead, and there is lots of twirling. It makes for much happy.
Oh--and much, MUCH happy? While Bella sat with me, drawing pictures and listening to music, in the midst of Holst's "Planets" suites, about halfway through the "Jupiter" suite, which happens to be MY all-time favorite Holst (this version performed by the Boston Phil with Ozawa at the helm), and she suddenly, out of the blue, sat up straight and said, "Mommy? I REALLY, REALLY like this music!" Ahhhhh, my child, my heart. I would tell you that I cried a little right then, but you would just write it off to the estrogen fluctuation, and that would tick me off because it was REAL.
And in a moment that would have been just like something out of an O. Henry story (you know, if I had, like, sold the floorboards from the hearthroom to buy Alex an outboard motor), he unexpectedly sold his fishing boat and used the money to buy me a rug I'd wanted for the hearthroom. Yaaay. Of course, I realize that this will, ultimately, result in the purchasing of a newer, larger fishing boat, but I'm just putting that aside for now. Kind of like the horse thing, only without the much sadness.
On the healing front, I'm feeling much more stable, if still a little "ungrounded" on the hormone-depletion roller-coaster. It's been two weeks now on HRT, and according to the manufacturers of the patch, I should begin to feel more "normal" in another two weeks. HA. If only they knew with whom they were dealing. "Better," maybe. "Normal?" HA. Anyhow, physically, things are good. Emotionally, I'm a little volatile, but not constantly weeping like last week. Plus I'm no longer living on Xanax just to function, which is good. I'll see Dr. Fantastic a month from now, and we'll evaluate how crazy or not I am from the Sudden Surgical Menopause at that time.
Speaking of "Sudden Menopause," that also happens to be the name of a book I got, subtitled, "Restoring Health & Emotional Well-Being." It appears to be full of pretty great and helpful information, but I can't give a better review than that, because anytime it starts describing what's going on inside my guts, I have to put my head down between my knees and breathe carefully to keep from passing out, and put the book face-down on the floor with something on top of it so I can't see it. So I haven't really gotten through a lot of it, but I think I recommend it to those of you going through this who are not total squeamish whack-jobs.
Thanks for all the well-wishes, everyone. You will never know how much it means. Never. I literally did not pick up my computer for nearly a week--no checking email, nothing, and it was a really interesting experience, immersing myself in "real life" with no distractions (all right, and the Cardinals), and concentrating on healing my mind and body. Thanks for still being here. I have made, without a doubt, the most amazing group of friends through this silly blog than anyone could hope for.