Friday, May 26, 2006

My Mind Is A Snarl Of Tangled Events And Ideas

First--Soap: Done. I have the newly-printed stack of receipts here in front of me and will be emailing everyone individually. If you don't hear from me by tomorrow, email ME, please! List of soaps sent here (link active when list is completed).

Frogs freak me out.
They just do. And we're crawling with 'em out here. There have been times, sitting in our living room trying to enjoy a movie, when the din of the horny frogs has been deafening. When you live out in the country, and there's no other ambient noise, frog-serenading can really get annoying. I have asked Alex to go out and shoot one, on occasion, but he refuses. And what really creeps me out is, no matter how many of them you can hear, you can almost never manage to see one. Until now. Alex caught a couple of bullfrogs in the koi pond last night (so much for my comforting theory that my pond full of tadpoles will grow up to be cute, small, green tree-frogs), and got these pictures.
I seriously, seriously, do not want to look at bullfrogs. I think it's childhood trauma from a time when some anonymous person put an ENORMOUS, ugly, hideous bullfrog in our mailbox. Dad wasn't home when we discovered him, and none of us (me, my mom, my sister) wanted to touch the thing--it wasn't the frogness of him, but the big, fat, squooshy SIZE of him. Finally my mother, genius that she is, went and got a giant spatula and extricated the frog from the mailbox like it was some giant, mutant amphibian pancake. The experience left scars.

Next--I am sick to death of "Lost." I know we'll wind up watching the next season, because Alex is still a fan. I know that there are groups of people who are SO into this show that it borders on cult status. And yes, I see the draw, the fun of speculating, trying to figure things out. But seriously--this would have been best, in my opinion, as a mini-series. Something that moved along faster and provided satisfaction for its viewers, doled out a bit at a time until an ultimate conclusion that answered at least most of the questions. Am I the only person in America who feels this way?

Also under the category of television-induced nausea: We TiVo'd the finale of "American Idol" just so we could skip to the end and see who won. The "real" winner had already been eliminated, so we didn't much care, but of the two that were left, yes, Taylor Hicks was the obvious choice. That said, I am SO sick of this guy since the end of the competition, I could throw up. He is foisted upon us on television, in magazines, on the internet, everywhere we look, and here are three of his frequent utterances which I can only interpret to mean that Taylor Hicks needs me to punch him in the face: "Soul Patrol." STOP THIS NOW. Referring to himself as "Tay-Tay." Holeeee Schmoley. And finally, talking about taking a song and "Taylorizing" it. Seriously, America? You blew this one, big-time. Now this insufferable egomaniac will be in our faces for months to come. Or maybe he'll just face quietly and politely away, like Carrie Underwood (who?).

Continuing in the television category, there is a commercial currently airing for Six Flags' 45th Anniversary Celebration. In the commercial, there is a short scene toward the end, in which children rush forward to greet superhero figures--Batman being most prominently positioned on the screen. I had seen this commercial two or three times, and something kept bothering me about the "send the little children unto me" superhero sequence. It flashes by in an instant, but still--something in my subconscious mind registered a something disturbing happening. So I used my trusty TiVo to do a frame-by-frame analysis. Here is what I found--you be the judge. Creepy?Unfortunately, the final shot, as you can see, is obscured, so documented proof of any superhero pedophelia is not to be had...unless that little girl in the foreground could be reached for questioning.

One last thing, while we're talking television. In the promo for the FOX show, "So You Think You Can Dance?" they show a horrific image of a guy totally blowing a flip and SMASHING his face into the floor. This produces, in me, a gasp, grimace, and covering of my eyes, while I say, "OOOOOohhhhhhhh!!!" When I open my eyes, I look at my husband, who is SMILING! When I point this out, he just laughs and says, "Hey, he had it comin'."

We are truly from different planets, this man and I.

18 comments:

  1. Growing up we could hear the serenade of frogs from the canal in our yard and to this day I love that sound. Even in this house I can hear them after rainy nights in the lake across the pasture. I think it makes me feel comfortable if all the frogs are happy and singing. Okay that sounds a little hokey, but its true.

    As I don't have cable or local channels, I don't follow any of these shows. If I did, I'm sure I would agree. When I have seen Am. Idol, I never was particularly taken with any of them.

    Those frames do make the 4 flags commercial appear a little odd, but perhaps whoeever cut it did not pay attention to what batman was doing:o)

    I always wondered why guys thought people injuring themselves was funny, when I can just feel their pain?

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  2. When I make breakfast tomorrow, I will no doubt be muttering "amphibious mutant pancake" under my breath. Hee!

    Don't get me started on what went wrong with AI this season. "America" did not make the right choice, is all I'm saying. Has he really referred to himself as "Tay-Tay"-ACK!

    I really hope that kid is reaching out to shake Batman's HAND. We don't have Six Flags around here so I haven't seen it, but it does seem like some subliminal suggestion is going on there.

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  3. 1) i am calling myself "tay tay" from now on even though i have not ever seen one episode of american idol.

    2) mutant amphibious pancake = HA!

    3) batman's package is huge! (sorry Belinda's mom). and you are hilarious for showing it to us frame by frame. i love you.

    4) i will email you the second i get my soap!

    xoxoxoxoxo

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  4. Re: Frogs. I love em! No matter what size! We live close to a river and there are lots of them here too! I love the noise they make, and I love chasing them and catching them! But I can understand that you've had trauma. I had trauma with carpenter ants.

    Re: Lost. I LOVE that show, and I think you're crazy.

    Re: American Idol. My friend in the eastern time zone told me that Taylor won three hours before we could watch it here. I was sad. I really love Katharine, and have since the beginning. And Carrie Underwood is actually pretty darn big on the country charts. Well, in Canada anyway.

    Re: Batman. Yeah, that's kind of creepy.

    Re: So you think you can dance. We watched that show for the first time the other day. It's HILARIOUS! I love it!

    That is all.

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  5. Yeah, Carrie just won top new female vocalist of the year, and top female single with "Jesus Take the Wheel" at the Country Music Awards held in Las Vegas a week or so ago. She's the hottest thing in country. Guess it depends on what genre you prefer.

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  6. You are now the second person I have encountered who doesn't like (i.e. is creeped out) by amphibians (that's FROGs, to the layperson). I am sure you have your reasons, I just don't understand it. I think they're such amazing creatures to look at. Marty loves them so much that he has built little "frog houses" throughout the yard so they will survive and eat all our yard bugs (clever man, that one is.) And when a fat toad finds its way to the sidewalk in front of our house, my husband actually will snatch a bug from nearby and feed it to the toad. He's devoted, that one. But, I guess it's your perogative to not trust the little buggers. It's weird, but still your perogative. :)

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  7. I gave up my TV. Is that weird? I only miss it when I have a cold...because there is nothing like watching stupid TV when you are sick.

    Men...they also laugh at the Three Stooges and we don't. At least most women don't.

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  8. Kim--maybe the guys are just afraid that if they don't laugh, they'll cry, and expose their girly side. And I think our frog serenade is just TOO close to being inside our living room!

    Elizabeth--as far as Alex and I are concerned, A.I. has NEVER had the "right" winner. We were horrified at Carrie Underwood winning last year. But ever since the first season, and the night that Tamyra Gray went home, we knew that "America" would never make the right choice.

    jenB--I will never, ever, call you "Tay-Tay."

    Cece--I can totally see you laugning at the bad dancers.

    mel--yeah, I've heard that song. I don't listen to country music ever, but I have heard that song, so it must have crossed over enough for XM Radio to play it on other stations. I think just about ANYONE could have made it a hit, though. We were really insulted at Carrie Underwood winning idol last year. There were some really talented people in the finals, most of which were much better than her. She just has nothing "unique" to bring to the music.

    I.E.--It's not just frogs in general. I should have been more specific. It's BULLFROGS. Particularly the big, fat, splatty ones. They really creep me out. I love the little tree-frogs, and I'm still really hoping that at least some of our tadpoles turn out to be green tree-frogs!

    suebob--I admire you! We were just discussing (well, I was monologuing while Alex pretended to listen) last night that we watch far too much television. And there are so many other things that are better uses of your time.

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  9. Hey! Cool blog. It's chock full on ninja goodness. Who did your banner? I want one for my site, but have no idea how to do cool stuff to it.

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  10. HIN--the fabulous Sheryl at Paper Napkin did my banner from scratch. She's awesome!

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  11. I think Alex is merely just like myself, a misunderstood genius!

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  12. What have you got against Batman? Casting unfounded assertions in time of war?

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  13. I no longer get U.S. television, so I am spared a lot of the bad stuff. But on the other hand, I miss the bad stuff sometimes.

    I am not a big fan of frogs either. I ran over one with the lawn mower once. Not a pretty sight.

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  14. I LOVE frogs. Even the sound of them. I sure wish I lived in the country.

    As for LOST- my hubby and I are still big fans of it. I find no fault with how fast it's moving-- other than frustration. *grin* But I still enjoy it. (We own the first season)

    That Batman thing is creepy... though I find the idea of superheroes wonderful - We're also superhero fans in my household. *smile*

    -n

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  15. Okay that batman thing is disturbing. Batman looks like he's thrusting his pelvis out and waiting for the little boy to touch him. That is very frightening and the powers that be behind that commercial should have caught that. That is, unless, they are a group of pedophiles and it pleases them. Either way -- blech. It needs to go away.

    Frogs don't bother me, but I understand, I really do! It's gonna be okay, honey, it really is!

    Can't wait to get mah soap! Yay!

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  16. I love your site, and I'm a huge fan of poodles . . . My 17-year-old red poodle passed this week. I miss him so . . .

    And as for most of your comments, I think you are RIGHT ON! I thought I was the only person bored with "Lost" and "American Idol"! I used to watch Lost, but it moved far too slowly for me, and I can't help but feel as if they are making up the story as they go along. There's no way they planned this show 2 or 3 seasons out, especially if only a few were produced initially in case it didn't get picked up for the remaining episodes.

    And I think people just wanted someone who didn't deserve it to win Idol. He got a fan base just from people wanting to tick of Simon, people wanting a grey-haired Idol, and people who . . . I don't know, people who LIKE him? I don't get it myself. I was routing for
    Chris, but I'm glad he doesn't have a title like American Idol following him around and haunting his career forever. Maybe it's for the best.

    I like your writing and your site.

    Take care,
    R

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  17. mr. fab: Alex is definitely misunderstood. Even by himself, I think. And definitely genius, just like you. Frighteningly like you.

    Doug: Yep, unpatriotic subversive slurs on our great American superheroes. ;-)

    Claire: I will now never, ever get that image out of my head. Thank you.

    nikkirae: I'm a bit of a comic book geek, but just a bit. And I like the sound of slightly *distant* frogs. Not in-my-living-room frogs.

    Jessica: If you're the Jessica with the same last name as me, I gotcha covered!

    RB: Thanks, and sorry about your poodle. One thing I always tell prospective owners of miniature poodles is that they tend to "outlive their bodies." And they almost never just lay down and die, but hang on, and on, and on until you have to make the decision for them, which is so painful. Will you get another one, do you think? After the death of my mini , Zorro, at age 16, I got into standards, swearing I'd never have another mini, that it would break my heart. Well. I guess you see how that turned out!

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  18. Belinda,

    Thanks so much for your kind words--I really do appreciate it. I am so deeply in love with my mini who passed, I could never love another dog like that. I would love to have another someday, but I still have a Pomeranian and a toddler to deal with! Maybe I can convince my husband . . . It was a difficult decision like you mentioned, that he just lived and lived inside his frail little body, even when his body began to give out. He was so great and so sweet--I keep writing about him on my blog! So I'll try not to here--it's hard!

    They definitely enrich your lives, animals that bond with you like that. I never regret a moment of it. I can tell you would understand, just looking at your site! Such personality in these little guys. Zorro is such a great name! So cute!

    Anyway, thanks for reading. Take care.

    R

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