Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Personal Kryptonite, Davezilla-style

The brilliant and hilarious Davezilla posed what I found to be a very engaging question over to his place. He said: "There exists one thing in everyone’s life that makes them shiver with fear, double over with nausea or curl into a fetal position." He then lists ten such things that are true for him personally, and ends by asking, "So tell me, what is your Kryptonite?" I noted that I absolutely shared his #9, and added ten of my own:

1. having my nostrils pinched shut, even for a moment
2. actually smelling anything following the command, “Smell this!”
3. the mere thought of any medical/surgical procedure involving my feet, down to mere splinter removal
4. "LOL"
5. "irregardless" (and so many other non-words)
6. chunks of bell pepper cooked into any dish I’m eating
7. superfluous apostrophes and/or quotation marks
8. romance novels of the pulpy Harlequin variety
9. Benecio del Toro *shudder*
10. The Bridges of Madison County, book form. *death rattle*

And then I thought of a couple more I just had to add:

11. That people everywhere, intelligent people, are saying, "I could care less," when what they MEAN is, "I could NOT care less." I want to cry over this.
12. That no one seems to know the difference between "naseous" and "nauseated," including doctors.

And really, at this point I had to force myself to stop, because I could go on and on and on. And you know what's next, don't you? Comment it up. I want to know your personal Kryptonite. What saps your strength? By all means, go and leave your list at Davezilla's spot, but also here, so that I don't have to sift through all his many many comments to find my own peeps. OK?

18 comments:

  1. So I come over here because you left me that crazy comment that made me laugh.

    I'm going down that list and just nodding.

    We could start our own society of Belindas who have way too much in common.

    re the nausea versus nauseated:
    People tell me all the time that when I say that I'm nauseated that I'm using the word incorrectly! The nerve.

    dixie knows a lot of very cool people. consider yourself befriended :D

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  2. YES YES YES! OMG I love you! I have spent the last 25 years correcting people over and over and over again about "I could/couldn't care less". It drives me absolutely crazy insane. I always assumed it was a lonely battle I was waging. It comforts me to know there is another soul out there fighting the good fight!

    I can only think of one other: whatever channel it is that is always showing surgeries. I can't look, and have to change the channel immediately. Just the thought of it right now as I type this is making me grimace and shrivel up inside...

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  3. What is wrong with LOL? I like it to convey I'm laughing, without writing "I'm laughing."

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  4. 1. roaches
    2. the smell of my vitamin B tablets

    As for my grammar beefs: anyways instead of anyway, using bemused when they mean amused, irreguardless instead of reguardless. Those are the biggies.

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  5. Also people who add an erroneous "u" to the word regard. ;o)

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  6. Spots 1 through 14 on my top-ten list are filled by clowns.

    Scary, horrifying, clowns that must die for the safety of this planet and everybody on it.

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  7. I hate hate hate hate when people say "these ones."

    AAAAAACK!

    These things also put me in the fetal position : the squeaky sound when someone touches a balloon...being at the top of a ferris wheel...thick hick accents...the thought of foil in my mouth...people saying 'pronOUnciation' instead of 'pronUnciation'.

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  8. Love it!!!!! Thanks for making me laugh. I am with you on the bell peppers--woof. I see your Benecio and raise you a George Clooney ;-)

    Here are my kryptonites:

    1)lunch rooms--this is a SERIOUS phobia, especially ones with flourescent lighting.
    2)post offices
    3)libraries
    4)graham crackers dipped in milk (that's getting my gag on as we speak)
    5)gruyere cheese--the smell AND consistency, especially in omelettes

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  9. When a pencil runs out of eraser and the metal part scratches the paper. Makes my teeth curl.

    When people ask "And how is Marian today?" I usually say, "I don't know. Why don't you ask her?"

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  10. I'll agree on #9 as well as Dave's #1-14, but would like to expand it to 28 and fill the remaining spaces with ventriloquist dummies.

    *shudder*

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  11. I'm with you on number one.

    The mere thought of even going near a doctor squicks me out, so I can't even imagine anything surgical.

    Although I used to rock climb, I'm now wet-my-pants afraid of heights.

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  12. *I* say, "I could not conceivably care less" :)

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  13. Thank you for introducing me to Davezilla. Mine are rather fundemental for any man..

    1. Running out of toilet paper
    2. Porta-potties
    3. Having to hear someone else take a dump
    4. Seeing another dude naked.
    5. A remote control with no batteries.
    6. Closed-minded people (I know, there are a lot).
    7. People who talk louder on their cell phone as reception gets worse.
    8. Maggots
    9. Running out of duct tape
    10. Atrocities again the public.

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  14. 1)Improper use of the English language.

    2)I am with you on the "irregardless, in regards, etc.", used so many times in the wrong context or not words.

    3)I can handle most odors, but old abcesses or old wounds can make me gag.

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  15. belinda! I just like addressing another "belinda." I can count on the fingers of one hand how many others I've met in my life, and wouldn't even have to use all five.

    Mr. Fab--we shall take this fight to the sitcoms, the dramas, the movies in theaters, the commercials, the blogs, the newspapers...Oh, and boy, do I have a video for you! 6 hours'worth of endometriosis and tumor removal, including resection of bowel! Now I know what to do for you for Christmas!

    VG--I have used it, but consider it a neccessary evil, in this written medium. When you don't have intonation, body language, etc. to read, all you have is what's written. So I can see the need for something to indicate, "that is so funny! I am laughing!" But "LOL"...I dunno. It's weird to me. And I really hate when people use the "ROTFL" and its variations--because you KNOW that they most certainly are NOT.

    sheryl, I was gonna ask about that 'u,' but you beat me to it anyways.

    dave, I know all about the clowns. They made davezilla's list, too, didn't they? My own clown-fear, while not crippling, does stem from an actual incident at a parade when I was around 3 or 4. How about yours?

    chase--WHY would you think about foil in your mouth? What are you trying to DO to me? And I am now doing my best Eliza Doolittle routine, so as not to offend you should we meet in person. Hmmmm.

    zelda, I'm sensing a theme, and it really does seem to be about fluorescents! Some people are really bothered, physically, by them! My sister and I can usually (we were much better at it when we were younger) ddetect a distinct, high-pitched "hum" coming from department-store fuorescents. We used to not be able to stay inside MM Cohn's for more than 5 minutes. And bell peppers--you can't even pick them out and save your meal, because they leave a slimy, fragrant, vile-tasting residue behind.

    marian--so, marian is bothered by eraser-nubs scratching paper? Why does Marian need to do so much erasing? ;-)

    kevin, to me, ventriloquists' dummies SOUNDLY trump clowns. But you know what would be the worst? A ventrilioquist's CLOWN DUMMY. Or that puppet from "Poltergeist."

    pat--the pinching of the nose...I hate it SO much. And once it's been done, then I have to find a nice fresh Kleenex and get all up in there wiping everything down. It's bizarre. And my thing with heights--looking out of an airplane? Fine. Down from a Ferris wheel? Fine. But any high place that I could, conceivably, step, jump, or drive off? Nuh-uh. Because, you see...I just MIGHT. What IF I "got crazy and fell in that cactus?" *shudder*

    nita--good for you! You rule! I hope you get to use that line when your recent surgeon pleads with you about his malpractice premiums going up.

    n8iv--Davezilla was one of my earliest discoveries, and never disappoints. Here is the scenario I'm imagining for your torture (not that I'd ever torture you, but just for speculation): You're duct-taped, with the LAST of the LAST roll, to a chair. In your hand is a remote-control, sans batteries. Playing on the big-screen in front of you, "Brokeback Mountain." On a loop. There is someone there that could fast-forward through the nude scenes for you, but they are speaking so loudly on their cell phones that they don't hear your plaintive wails.

    kim--I bet you, like Alex and me, really enjoy the Presidential addresses, especially those that are not scripted.

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  16. I loved your list! Thanks for sharing. And your reply to n8iv was hilarious. Here's mine:

    1. The sound a styrofoam cooler makes when the lid rubs against the cooler. It's a squeaky, nails-on-chalkboard sound. Literally hurts my stomach.
    2. Seeing a used band-aid on the ground.
    3. Spiders of any size. They scare the crap out of me.
    4. Any flying insect, especially if they fly near my face.
    5. Seeing apostrophes used incorrectly.
    6. The song "We Built This City" by Starship.
    7. The Three Stooges.
    8. Mushrooms, cooked or raw. Even if I pick them out, I can still taste them. Ick.
    9. Fatty meat. That yellow stuff on chicken? Ewwww.
    10. I am terrified of water-no swimming, no sailing in teeny boats. No thank you.

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  17. Well, I know the difference between nauseated and nauseaus and use them appropriately, so there!

    1. worms of any kind but especially on the sidewalk after a strong rain

    2. beets anywhere in anything ever

    3. the sound of cracking knuckles

    4. the smell of skunk coming in your windows even though your house is shut tight.

    5. scented candles in huge displays in stores (allergic, people, allergic!)

    6. perfume salespeople who come out of nowhere and want to spray you with some stinky stuff. Again, ALLERGIC.

    7. People who say "I go" instead of "I said"

    8. People who say "like" as a filler in between every third word. It isn't "like" cold outside, it is COLD outside.

    9. President Bush in any way, shape and form. Ditto for Ronald Reagan when he was president. Turn the channel fast!

    10. Hip hop musicians who have no talent so rely on 1/2 naked women gyrating around them simulating sex so you won't notice they can't sing.

    11. Non-Trade paperbacks. No popular novels for this girl. If the book is on the paperback best seller list, chances are good I'll NEVER read it.

    12. Science fiction of any kind anywhere. That includes fantasy like LOTR and Chronicles of Narnia. Shoot me before making me watch that crap.

    Oh... I could go on and on and on...

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  18. Oooh I'm with you on #11! Drives me nuts!

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