The object of my advertising ire has a name! And that name is Crispin Porter + Bogusky, advertising agency. They're an award-winning ad agency, but here's the thing: They suck. Seriously. You know those Burger King commercials, with the freaky giant-plastic-headed guy that gives you nightmares? This one?
Yeah. Thought so. You hate it too, right? Who doesn't? From the first time I saw it, I screamed, "WHO IS THEIR AD AGENCY???" at the television. Well, now I know, and as it turns out, they are also responsible for two more of my personal currently MOST HATED commercials. I actually hate ALL of the VolkswagenGTI commercials which feature "My Fast," the weird little black devil-ball that looks like a combination of a webcam and a gargoyle/hobgoblin, has a voice right out of "The Exorcist," and seems to represent the Ids, or baser instincts, of young males...which I think we all know are pretty readily accessible most of the time, anyway.
Let it be known, CP+B: I HATE "YOUR FAST." And young 18-25 males, you powerful marketing demographic, you? You know that the one thing you want more than anything else in the world is sex. You know it. I know it. Every female you encounter knows it. And while "sometimes [your] Fast doesn't get along with [your] girlfriend," let me just assure you that you don't have to worry about that, because you won't have a girlfriend for long, because HER SELF-RESPECT DOES NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOUR FAST. The tag line from another hated commercial, "My Fast makes it hard to have a relationship," should really be a clue for you. Tell your girlfriend/wife that she is too heavy to carry along on an errand in your precious car, or that her "yakking" is interfering with your enjoyment of said precious car when she is politely asking you to roll up the windows, and you'd better hope said precious car comes with a blow-up doll...or a feature like the one from the SNL commercial for the "Mercury Mistress." (Remember that one, with Phil Hartman: "The car so sexy, you'll want to have sex with it?" Ewww.)
And finally, I heard on NPR, someone in the know who voiced my feelings about these awful Volkswagen commercials better than I can: Seth Stevenson.
If you feel the same way I do about these commercials, let the company know. I know I'd be happy to return to the easygoing "everyperson's car" vibe from the old VW commercials.
I'll get around to it, but first I have to find some way to vent my disgust at what happens to child-friendly cable-TV network "Noggin" after 6:00 P.M. More on that later, as Betty Friedan continues to roll over in her grave.