Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Best. Spam. EVER.

I thought I had a new winner with the subject line, "waitress offspring," the other day, but this one had a whole unbelievable text built in. The way the email program is set up, you can open a message without exposing yourself to any possible virus, because once open, you have to go another step to enable links or display images, much less download anything. Plus, this didn't get caught by my spam filter, so I opened it. The subject line was, "spa sheepishly," which pretty much gave it away, but I figured it had promise, and boy, was I right. Here, in its entirety, is the text of this email:

"pizzazz the as landfill of bare-bones, that visage expatriate with aircraft floodlit dealing as catholic, the and gob a

obligatory that stopwatch autonomy to are that wallpaper rubber stamp outlaw it restraint, wick as interestingly gaiety self-conscious: was

hypothetically. at reissue area
acrimony, superstition of an centipede the puddle. at respirator the partial. bloodbath,
defenseless oaf enrage as spew of well-intentioned binder as
villa gas station. receiver ballistic, the environment,. is essential rave review Pole a adobe henceforth thaw. as microcosm of incongruous, congenital a comedy
movie theater toggle: passageway, a an no-no wide-eyed the noiselessly in this with time card trained came
nurse switchboard unnerving as
superbly, as homonym outspoken shoot as nut and it? melodious conical principally the criteria, frightened player, as goof fatty punch, of
hitherto is corroboration phallus alligator by

entrails opportunistic but wordy sniffle stalking, feel."

I have no idea what they're selling, or what kind of virus this might be spreading, and it was all I could do to keep from clicking through and finding out. That last line, it's practically poetry, isn't it? And please, may I never run into a phallus alligator.


  1. You can never go wrong with enough entrails.

  2. Well, that is unless they attract a phallus alligator.

  3. Oh, goodness. You will get SO many Google hits from this!

  4. No no no, my Dennis Haskins spam is the best. See today's post for proof.

  5. Oh, goodness, that is too funny. I would not want to run into a Phallus Alligator either. Regular ones are enough for me.

  6. erin, I'll be checking!

    kevin--you had a fortuitous spammer name. I have CONTENT, dude.

    Kim--It's bad enough, without even knowing whether the alligator has phallic characteristics, or is just an alligator with a taste for...well, you know.

    I am SO going to be the top Google return for "phallus alligator." Things just keep getting better, and somewhere, Mr. Fabulous is jealous.

  7. Wow, I've never had the guts to look that closely at one of those messages. Beware of "fatty punch".

  8. On the other hand, a villa gas station sounds DIVINE. ;)

    I love those. I've gotten a few myself.