Sunday, February 05, 2006

Stupor-Bowl Sunday

Think that's a good time to hit the grocery or other stores? Because everyone else will be gearing up for the big game? Well, SO DOES EVERY OTHER WOMAN ON THE PLANET, and they will meet you there. Bella and I just spent a hellacious 2 hours within the Evil Empi--Wal-Mart, and it will take me until tomorrow to recover.

The primary mission? While Alex was at the other house loading stuff up, and at Lowe's getting supplies, I was to procure the Velveeta, Rotel, and ground beef he requires to make his football-watching dip. I keep telling Alex that Velveeta is NOT EVEN CHEESE, but he cares not. So we did all of our other shopping first before hitting the grocery section. Bella has taken to saying "check," as we acquire things, which cracks me up. Chocolate milk? Check. Jumpincow*? Check. Turkey annwich turkey? Check. And then--and then, we got to the Rotel aisle. It was empty. I kid you not, 4 shelves high and all the way to the back, empty. NO ROTEL. AT ALL. At this point, I was nearly losing it already. I looked heavenward, and halfway to God, halfway for my captive toddler audience, I appealed: "Lord, I cannot go home without Rotel. I cannot go to another store in search of Rotel, as I am about to FREAK OUT from Wal-Mart-related stress." Looked at Bella, "What do we do?" to which she helpfully replied, "We have to find some, and you will be better." I turned into the next aisle, when what to my wondering eyes did appear, crammed in carelessly among some Ramen noodles, but a 28-oz. can of ORIGINAL ROTEL. Three times the size I needed, but when you ask God for something, be prepared to get it. I must have looked like a madwoman clutching the only can of Rotel in town to my busom and rushing through to the checkout with a wild-eyed look. I didn't care.

So we got out with our lives, and two, count 'em, TWO full carts of rampant consumerism. Here's a hint: even if things are on sale for a dollar, if you by 200 such things, you've just spent $200. Free tip from me to you. Also? If you're making "cheese" dip without actual cheese, you might as well also use ground beef that isn't. That is, Morningstar Farms veggie TVP crumbles that look and taste pretty much like ground beef. We did use actual corn chips.

And what does it say about my personality that I came home from this shopping trip with both of these items?
*Jumpincow--Bella's favored brand of milk, and thus all white milk is so-called, because of this packaging:

25 comments:

  1. Always and First Response... Better to be prepared anyway! We didn't have non-cheese dip, but meatballs, boneless buffalo wings, and as always, black olives! Hugs!

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  2. God knows that Rotel is nothing to mess around with. He probably eats it while He watches football, too.

    Our Wallyworld was *dead,* but only because in these here parts people have to be home by 3 to watch the full 3 hours of pre-game coverage. Ours is not to question why.

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  3. I'm an idiot, evidentally. What is rotel? Never heard of it. Velveeta is not only NOT a cheese, it is congealed oil. It is a heart attack waiting to happen.

    We shopped earlier in the week. I'm no fool!

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  4. OH GOOD!! I'm glad someone else didn't know what rotel is! I'm going to go look it up though. That and "aflak".

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  5. I'm back! Rotel is SALSA! and I still haven't figured that other one out.(someone wrote it in comment on my blog)

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  6. theresa--I'd rather have eaten at your house!

    stef--Rotel. Why Rotel? Lots of other brands make diced tomatoes with green chiles, which is all it is, but for some reason it HAS to be Rotel! The only thing I can think of that I like it in is that chicken casserole make with corn chips, cheese, and cream of something soup.

    marg & celena--just diced tomatoes with green chiles. That is all. "Rotel" is just a brand name.

    Velveeta:Ingredients: MILK, WATER, MILKFAT, WHEY, WHEY PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, SODIUM PHOSPHATE, MILK PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, ALGINATE, SODIUM CITRATE, APOCAROTENAL (COLOR), ANNATTO (COLOR), ENZYMES, CHEESE CULTURE.

    For some reason, it's not Kosher, but I can't identify an ingredient that would be the culprit...there's no rennet, so maybe one of those ingredients I don't recognize. Alginate? heh?

    Rotel would not make a very good salsa.

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  7. The ingredients aren't what make something Kosher (although of course ingredients count). It is that the maker of the product hasn't bothered to hire a mishgiach, a man who is trained and certified in Kashrut that is employed by a plant to ensure that the manufacture of the items are made according to Halacha, the law of Judaism. So, for example, if a company makes both meat and dairy items on the same machinery, a mashgiach would know this and wouldn't certify the products.

    There are MANY symbols (hechshers) for Kashrut, and each represents a different organization that a mashgiach represents. The one most people are familiar with is the U with an O around it, which stands for Orthodox Union. But if it just says Kosher or has a K, it's not Kosher, it's just a word that is written on a package to misrepresent the product.

    Again, more than you ever wanted to know.

    No Rotel here, or at least I've never seen it.

    And Celena, AFLAK is an insurance program that people buy to cover them if they're injured and unable to work. It's not really disability, but more of a second coverage to make up the amount you lose if you go on disability.

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  8. I had no idea either what Rotel was, thanks for the explanation. We had chili here.

    Belinda, be sure and let us know *which* product you ended up using this month.

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  9. What's the deal, is Rotel a Southern commodity? The old, old cheese dip recipes, from back before there were even commercial corn chips available and you ate it on potato chips, were even titled, "Rotel Dip."

    I got misled on the Kosher thing by Kraft--on their website it says that "due to an ingredient" in Velveeta, it cannot be certified as Kosher.

    What does it mean if it says "Pareve" on the package?

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  10. i love margalit!

    and i had no idea what the heck Rotel was, either. we love Green Mountain Gringo salsa. chipotle peppers, mmmmmm.

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  11. There were a lotof TV commercials for Rotel in the weeks leading up to the game, that must be why it was sold out. But "ask, and ye shall receive" indeed!!

    Could you post the recipe for the chicken casserole you mentioned? It sounds good!

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  12. Buying both means you are flexible and cautiously optimistic??

    Be sure and let us know the results of the one in the smaller package!

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  13. We get the Jumping Cow milk, too. Primarily because it seems to last longer--doesn't go bad--as quickly as the non-organic stuff. (Husband is the only one that drinks milk in our household. I hate milk.)

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  14. Sounds like a horrible mess. I didn't leave the house yesterday - I didn't even get out of my jammies yesterday! Me, a bottle of wine, my beagles and my computer.

    And I made sure football never once graced my television. :)

    Sometimes living without a man is a really, REALLY good thing. I didn't have to share my wine with anyone.

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  15. Wow, who knew Rotel was such an exotic item! It is IRREPLACEABLE!

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  16. I can't believe they didn't know what Rotel is! Are they Yankees?? haha We had the a very similar problem yesterday...NO steaks. Not any. In the entire store. Boo on Walmart!!

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  17. I have discovered that Ro-tel is a southern thing. I have no idea why they don't sell it up north or if they do why people don't buy it. Probably because you HAVE to mix it with Velvetta and while Velvetta is a great mix for Ro-tel it is a 'cheese food' sort of like Cheez Wiz which my mother impressed upon me at a VERY young age that Cheez Wiz was an unacceptable form of nutrition. I am well experienced in the ways of Rotel for I am a son of David Carter who was the Ro-tel champ, it was cooked for any reason. Rain day? Rotel. Cold day? Rotel. Birth of child? Rotel.

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  18. add a menopause hormone level test to the maxi pads and ept, and you'll have one of my recent shopping trips!

    my body doesn't know if it's coming or going-- so to speak! :-)

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  19. I'd never heard of Rotel either - weird. Maybe we don't have it up here in AK? Or perhaps I've just never noticed it. My mom wasn't one for the processed cheeze-food, so maybe that's it...

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  20. Belinda,

    Pareve means that you can eat it with either milk or meat dishes. It's neutral. Like vegetables or noodles or rice.

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  21. OMGOMGOMG

    First Response???

    What the hell kind of heathen Caligula orgy house are you running, anyway????

    So..... ARE YOU????

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  22. Just to add, for those who aren't familiar with Rotel - it rocks. My parents lived in the South which was where I was first intorduced to it - but thankfully I can find in here in Chicago too.

    I have totally been in your "Rotel" shoes....that's why I now super stock the stuff - granted it makes my pantry look a bit odd with all those cans of Rotel...guess I've never really thought about that...

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  23. For those of you wondering, the answer, this month, again, is a thunderous "NO."

    nita--I am partial to margalit and chipotle peppers, myself. ;-)

    elizabeth--Yeah, I'll get it from Mom. It's real easy, like cream of chicken or mushroom soup, chicken, cheese (actual cheese), tortilla chips, onions, Rotel...very easy, family-satisfying meal.

    jody--the day I get a "positive," you will hear it from the mountaintops, I assure you!

    pat--as long as you're getting calcium and vitamin D, I truly believe you're better off without dairy. It just causes and exacerbates so many problems...and of course I LOVE it.

    cmc--I read and blogged and watched the commercials. The football, I'm actually beginning, just beginning, to appreciate the game, but the SOUNDS of it on TV drive me nuts, especially the announcers.

    zelda--tell me about it!

    melissa--don't alienate the Yankees; they have all the crabcakes. The real ones, anyway.

    Britt--I also remember your dad making you all get in the pool on the same day every year. Was it Easter? Anyway, some years it was really cold, and he would make you get in anyway. I thought that was hilarious, and you're probably scarred for life.

    ally--OMG, don't tell me that! I have the crazed hormones! Ack! No more weirdness! So, which was it?

    erin--I lived a summer in Anchorage, but I don't remember making any cheese dip or anything else with Rotel...I do remember lettuce costing $4 a head, and being SHOCKED, and that was 15+ years ago!

    margalit, my Jewish dictionary. Can you teach me all the good Yiddish?

    tony--no joy. also, no orgies, so don't be expecting that when you visit.

    sarah--thanks for stopping by. I shall have to check how many of my recipes call for Rotel!

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  24. Sadly, yes, my father made us get in the pool on Easter Sunday whether it was cold or not or the pool would not be open that summer. I think that he was bluffing but no one ever called him on it. It didn't scar me for life but I could be one of those polar bear people for sure.

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