Sunday, January 08, 2006

No, We'll Just Write Him Into The Sales Contract, As An Appliance

Most bizarre conversation today:

Me: "You should see what's going on outside." (it was a beautiful, warm day, so dogs were playing out in the dog yard). "Buddy is standing at the fence, nose to nose with the poodles, making them NUTS. While they bark their heads off and jump up and down, he just stares at them, stock-still, and twitches his tail. It's hilarious."

Alex: "He's lonely, I think."

Me: "Well, maybe when we get moved, since we've got the great fencing, we can adopt another cat for him."

Alex: "Are we planning on trying to take Buddy?"

Me: (blank stare, much blinking, huge disbelieving eyes) "Are we taking him--WHAT DO YOU THINK?" (Imagining real estate contract reading, "Pleasant tabby conveys with property.")

Alex: "How are we going to get him there?"

Me: (dumbfounded) "Um, I thought we'd put him in a carrier, drive him the 5 miles to the new house, let him out."

Alex: "How are we going to catch him?"

Me: (falling farther and farther down the rabbit-hole of my husband's mind) "Well, I generally go outside and say, 'Kitty, kitty, kitty,' and when he comes running up to me, I pick him up."

Alex: (Dissolves into laughter at himself.)

Me: "He's not a PUMA, you know. Are you thinking we'll need some Wild Kingdom equipment? Tranq guns and those big traps with the sliding doors like they use to move the lions?"

Alex: Laughs hysterically.

He is his own best audience. I honestly have NO idea what he was thinking. Buddy is 14 years old, and hardly a feral cat. This was the weirdest conversation we had today. And that's saying something.


  1. Maybe he's never seen you pick Buddy up so he's assuming he's a feral barn cat. Although that seems REALLY far fetched considering Buddy is 14. At some point Alex must have seen you at least pet the cat, right? You're right, weird.

  2. It might be a myth, but apparently you can put butter or peanut butter on all four paws of a cat, and by the time they lick it all off, they'll "forget" where they used to live and are less likely to run back "home". Because he's an outdoor cat, this might be an issue.. but of course, you have those big fences!

  3. "He's not a PUMA" is a great laugh line. Remember to hire a Jim. Marlin Perkins always had a Jim.

  4. I like the real estate ad about the house coming with a tabby - funny!

    I think Bella did very well for Christmas, a long day for a little one without a nap (heck I get that way after a long day I'm 28!).

  5. I just read the Buddy post from August for the first time. Man oh man, did I need that laugh!

    I read "He's not a PUMA!" and for some reason thought of it being said a la Gov. Ahnold (mocking the line "It's not a tumah")

    I say use the peanut butter AND the dart gun. You can't be sure with them wiry barn cats. One minute you get headless rats and the next they're barracading themselves in the barn refusing to leave.

    It's tragic, I know.

  6. Um, after reading the pb suggestions, i thinkk I'll stick to dogs. But good luck with it.


    Margalit--he was really messing with me, I think, but boy, he's convincing sometimes! Alex has picked up the cat.

    Celena--I've heard that, too, and just plain butter...I don't think we'll have trouble with Buddy. He is NOT a roamer.

    Doug--Alex has always accused me, like when we have an unruly colt to halter-break, of playing Marlin to his Jim. Especially when we hear a weird noise at night. "I'll be hiding under a blanket, peeking out the window, while Jim goes out to confront the homicidal maniac."

    VG--We had some odd stuff that "did not convey" with the house we're closing on this week. But Alex was hoping they'd leave the bass boat.

    Maidink--I'm sure there will be critters at the new place for Buddy to decapitate. Where there's horse feed, there's vermin. Wheee! And yup, the half-a-rat day was one of the funniest things that happened all summer.

    Anne, I can beat the paw-butter by a LONG shot, from a post on my poodle list today. Someone fairly new to breeding posted, asking how to encourage a mother dog to stimulate the puppies' bowels (they do that, in case you didn't know, until the puppies are old enough to poop on their own, and they do it by licking. Yeah). The answer came from my friend Sue, a longtime breeder, and quite succinctly: "Butter their butts. That usually gets things started."