When helping your wife, who is experiencing terrible spasmodic back pain, up out of her chair, make exaggerated grunting sounds and say, laboredly, "Good GOSH!" as if you are attempting to singlehandedly pull a Holsteiner up out of a gully.
When wife pops "Rashomon"* into the DVD player, as it begins to play, groan loudly, "Oh, please tell me this isn't a black-and-white...Japanese...sub-titled movie!"
While one of Kirusawa's greatest films is playing, be sure that you are TiVoing "The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show." Wife will appreciate this, especially after you've demonstrated dramatically that she weighs 450 pounds in your estimation.
*All right--I know that to disrespect a Kirusawa film is pure heresy to most film buffs (kind of like admitting that you find a good 2/3 of the movie "Citizen Kane" to be boring as all get-out), I just have to say: That big fight scene, from the woodcutter's point of view, between Tajumaro and The Husband...what was that? It would have made a good slap-fight between 6th-grade girls, but an infamous highwayman and a Samurai should have been able to make a better show of a SWORDFIGHT than just scrambling around pointlessly for 10 minutes, repeatedly throwing dirt and grass at each other but never getting a blow in until the final strike, which was disappointing in itself. Maybe we're spoiled by modern film fight-choreography, but we were stunned at how lame this fight scene was. at one point, I asked Alex, "What kind of fight is this?" and he answered, "I dunno--maybe a tickle-fight?" Otherwise, we were pretty impressed at our first viewing of this cinematic masterpiece. Kirusawa was definitely ahead of his time, that's easy to see. NOW--all you Kirusawa buffs may write in telling us how daft we are for not picking up on the symbolism inherent in the ineptitude of the two supposedly great fighters. Seriously, we wanna know! Doug, I know you watched this recently. Pat? Jeff?