You know it, married peoples--say it with me: That's right, a sick MAN. And I can compare, having been home with sick Bella earlier in the week. She was just quietly pitiful and cuddly, and said, "Thank you," and "I love you, Mommy," a lot in her quiet little voice. Not so with Alex.
First of all, the moaning and groaning...oh, the moaning and groaning. I made less noise having a baby than my husband made this morning during the lengthy waking-up-with-a-sore-throat process. I kept telling him that if he'd shut up--er, try not to talk, it would hurt less, but to no avail.
And he appears to be delirious, even though he has only the tiniest of fevers. Here's an exchange we just had over the movie "Dawn Of The Dead" (that's right--sick people get to pick the entertainment):
"Alex, does that priest have a crutch for a leg?"
"That stinks! Well, I guess there are worse things you could have for a leg."
"Yeah. Like a pickle."
(Several seconds of silence) "That doesn't even--a pickle isn't even big enough to sub for a leg, and it's perishable!"
"Right! That's why it would make such a bad leg." (Then launches into a spoken-word version of that Arlo Guthrie song about just wanting a motor-sickle instead of a pickle...you know the one. Actually, I rather hope you don't.)
We couldn't get him in to see the doctor until 7:30 tomorrow morning. Whee. So there's a whole day and night of this ahead for me. Oh, and for my poor, sick, darling husband, who is suffering mightily, of course.
The worst part? His voice. It is not only painful to listen to, but he sounds exactly like Carl from "Sling Blade." And it creeps me out, and he knows it does, so he keeps talking about things like "mustard an' biscuits," and how "coffee makes me a mite nervous when I drink it," and going, "Mmm-Hmmmm."
It is going to be a long day. And, hey--is that a zombified Hare Krishna, for crying out loud? And if so, how would you tell? Alex has just informed me, a la Carl, "Baby, Ah'm dyin'." I love him dearly, but if he comes back as a zombie, I will SO decapitate him.