Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Poop And Random Effluvia

Got an early start to the day, as planned, just not how I planned. Bella woke up early, badly constipated and crying from the pain. I know the feeling, so went into sympathy overload immediately and administered a little baby enema, which cleared up the major problem quickly, but as those of you who have used enemas before know, they have, er, "after-effects." So we've spent the rest of the day dealing with that. Just another day that I don't rejoin the world. Tomorrow is it, though, and I'm telling the world that I'm going to choir practice, too. I am. There. It's in writing. I AM GOING TO WORK AND THEN TO CHURCH FOR DINNER AND CHOIR PRACTICE. Now it's not retractable, constipation and headaches aside.

Overheard Bella singing, to the tune of "BINGO":

"Quack, quack, everywhere,
Quack, quack everywhere,
Quack, quack everywhere,
And Nemo was his name-O!"

On the phone with Alex, on his way home from work:

"Did you get Bella some milk?" (This was after he'd picked up a child's enema for ME. TMI? Too bad.)

"No, and I already left Kroger."

"Well, she needs some, even just from the convenience store on the way home."

(Heavy, put-upon sigh) "All right, I'll get some milk."

"And I want a candy bar."

"No, I don't think so. I'm going...where I'm going they don't have candy bars."

"So you're going to the 'NOTHING BUT MILK' convenience store?"

"I'm going to a COW."

Newest unfortunate search that gets you to my website: "trying to poop."

And spotted by Alex around the town today, the latest vanity plate I wish I'd thought of first(except I can't afford the snazzy Cadillac):


  1. Poor Bella, I ABSOLUTELY know how she feels! Although it seems less appropriate for me to write about it than for you to write about your little daughter with the problem. I send my simpathy and best wishes.

  2. I love vanity plates. My favorite all time plate is from New Hampster, on a minivan:


  3. ha ha, PB4UGO.. awesome!! I read about one in Readers Digest..

    ITZBTZ on a Mitzibushi (bloody hell, I can't spell it) Spyder

  4. Hope Bella (and you) feel better soon.

    That is a cool vanity plate. I have one on my motorcycle - "jenka", which is slovak slang for "wife". My late mom-in-law's nickname for me. :-)

  5. "I'm going to a COW."


    i can't believe i'm even going here but...make sure the suppositories are just glycerin....eases the poop out without chemicals...try pedialite pops if she's having dehydration probs....and organic milk, i hope, will stop the trend of 4th graders with ginourmous boobies...

  6. I used one of those little glycerin squirty enemas, looks like a teardrop. I figured she needed some fluid in there.

    And you're right about milk--I really struggle with that daily, because I firmly believe that my overconsumption (seriously, I lived on the stuff) of dairy led not only to my periods starting at 11 (and yes, breasts in the 4th grade--and I was a year younger than everyone else), but my horrific, nearly-fatal endometriosis.

    I think the organic we buy for her is a help, but the doc I was seeing prior to my endo surgeries told me NO DAIRY, organic or not. I was crushed, since I love the stuff. When I asked, "What about organic?" He said, "Nope. It's still a concentrated growth hormone designed by nature to grow baby cows at a MUCH more rapid rate than baby humans grow. It's not for you."

    *sigh* And have I kicked the stuff? Nope. Cut WAY down, but still...gosh, it's hard. Have you ever seen the website www.notmilk.com? (I think, could be .org or .net) It'll scare ya straight, until you're hankerin' for a hunk o' cheese, YA-HOO.

  7. "I'm going to a cow" is TOO funny, but surely he knows by now that when a woman says she needs a candy bar or ice cream or a cheeseburger or whatever, she means she NEEDS IT.

    So I hope for his sake he bought you one.

    Hope Bella's feeling better!

  8. You are a brave woman, i have to give Parker Tylenol by suppository and it stinks (not literally). Hope Bella's better soon.