Another McDonald's post, and here's how it began. This morning, before Bella's birthday party, we drove Hope to the airport so she could fly to Harvard, MA to be bred to a beautiful multi-titled champion dog. So on the way back home, we thought we'd stop and treat Bella to a pancake breakfast at IHOP. She loves pancakes, and she'd never been there. So we got her all worked up about the pancakes, only to arrive at the IHOP and find it overrun with "Race For The Cure" participants. They get free breakfast after the race, or something. So they were crammed in, and there were at least 50 waiting out in the parking lot. I guess waiting an hour or more for free pancakes is worth the $5 they'd cost for some people. Myself, I can't imagine it being worth my time.
So, now we had a dilemma. There was not another breakfast restaurant anywhere near, and Bella was all psyched for the pancakes. Alex said, "Well, I guess we'll just have to go to McDonald's." I told him that McDonald's wouldn't be serving breakfast any more, since it was nearly 10:45. His response? "Oh, they'll serve ME breakfast, because I want some breakfast." This is common Alex logic.
This is when I began sinking ever-lower in my seat, bracing for the impending embarrassment.
We went through the drive-thru, and when it was our turn to order, Alex begins just confidently ordering breakfast items, as if he totally expects breakfast. As if he hasn't been to McDonald's regularly for over 30 years, and has no IDEA that they stop serving breakfast at 10:30. Here is how the exchange with the poor people working the McDonald's drive-thru went:
Underpaid Drive-Thru Lady: "We ain't got no breakfast now."
Alex: (Loudly and confidently) "Well, that's what we came here for!"
UDTL: "Well, I'm sorry about that."
Alex: "When did you stop serving breakfast?" (As IF he didn't know.)
UDTL: "About 20 minutes ago."
Alex: (lying blatantly) "Well, I've been waiting in line here at least that long!"
UDTL: "No you have not!"
Alex: "Yes I have!"
UDTL: "Well, you might have been up in some other McDonald's, but you ain't been in THIS line for no 20 minutes!" (You have to admire her backbone and spunk.)
Alex: "I'm telling you, I've been waiting that long, and I want some breakfast!"
UDTL: "Well, what did you want? I'll see if there's anything left."
Alex: "I want pancakes and sausage."
UDTL: (Consults kitchen worker) "OK, I do have some pancakes and sausage. Is that all?"
Alex: "Do you have any McGriddles left? Bacon, egg and cheese?" (We were not into the healthy eating today, obviously.)
UDTL: (Consulting again) "Ummm, I think we can scrape something together (emphasis mine)."
Alex: "All right." At this point I order a lunch item, and we're given a total and proceed to the window, a couple of cars in front of us.
Me: "You know you're about to get a loogie McGriddle, right?"
Alex: (Laughing) "No, I'm getting my danged pancakes."
Me: "The phrase 'scrape something together' is not really something I feel comfortable hearing at a fast-food restaurant."
We got to the window, paid, got our ridiculous food, and I tried my best to distance myself from the lunatic breakfast-demander in the eyes of the Mickey D's employees, slumped down in my seat and muttering "Thank you" frequently and sincerely. Bella's pancakes were pristine, and she was happy. That sandwich of Alex's, however, looked...well, ragged. As if it had, in fact, been "scraped together" in some fashion, like Frankenfood. He was so pleased with himself for defying the law of the fast-food universe, however, that there was no way he wasn't eating it. He smiled smugly the whole time, until the last bite.
Alex: "You know, this smells kind of like feet."