Sunday, September 11, 2005

Poop, Poop, and Virtual Poop

During Andre Agassi's valiant struggle this afternoon, THIS is how I was killing time. Quite a fitting game, I think, for a gal who's had several inches (the GOOD inches--the ones at the end, that you REALLY, REALLY NEED) of her colon surgically removed and therefore has quite a daily struggle with the whole pooping issue.

In case you just won't click the links, I'm going to tell you anyway, so all you delicate types, either pull out your smelling salts or move away from the computer and repair to your fainting couch.

It's an online game called "Super Clean-Out", in which you, armed only with an enema bottle, battle a constipated colon. It's like those old Atarti games, except this time it's variously sized and shaped hunks of poo falling toward you, which you must "zap" with your enema bottle to obliterate them before they pile up and plug up your system.

After watching me play one game, Alex says, "Here, lemme try. I can do better than that." Well, DUH. Not only does he have better fine motor skills than me, he can poop better than me in real life. LOTS better. Frighteningly better. And is proud of his pooping prowess. But really, being able to poop better than ME is like being able to direct FEMA better than Mike Brown, or pronounce "nuclear" better than G.W. Bush (that is officially the extent of political content on this blog for today--you have my word).

What is making me smile in my heart right now is knowing just how very many of my family and friends are going directly to the poop-shooting game right now. Heh, heh, heh. I love you people.


  1. You cruel bitch. If making snowflakes half the night wasn't addictive enough, now I have to clean out a colon online? Wish I could send it to my friend, but she's a bit raw on the colon humor. Her husband is in the hospital for surgery number three for stage 4 colon cancer, and this one was to remove a large part of one lung and a rib.

  2. My prayers for your friend, that's a horible thing to bear.

  3. Okay I hate to admit it but I played the game BEFORE I read the blog and was fascinated by it. I couldn't quit playing it. So sad.

  4. ha HA! Embarrassing, ain't it? It's even worse when you have a toddler watching, yelling out, "Get dat big poop! Get dat other one!" We are doing such a good job parenting.

  5. Oh that was just too nasty.

    I feel for you. My late husband had colon problems his whole life. He had the colon removal, bags, etc. I pray all is well with you.

  6. Aw, I'm all right. I was a heartbeat away from a colostomy, and these amazing surgeons avoided that. So all things considered, a life lived in the fragile balance of Benefiber and Lomotil is a small price. :-)