Thursday, September 22, 2005

In Which My Husband Is MAGNIFICENT

I gotta give it to him. Get Alex in just the right mood and into a pair of Playtex Living Gloves, and that man is a cleaning machine. A tornado. Mr. Clean, but without the ambiguously gay vibe. He cleaned today, for hours on end, with the vigor of a Tasmanian devil. Whereas I, by contrast, performed about 1/5 of my single assigned task, with the vigor of, oh...let's say a banana slug. I have possibly seen too many Hitchcock movies, but I did have a moment of slight concern when I saw his pre-housecleaning shopping list: rubber gloves, large contractor trash bags, bleach, rope, shop towels...until I got to the Cascade and the air freshener, I was a little worried. I mean, I have been a handful to deal with lately.

We still have a lot to do, in which I will have to actually participate, over the next couple of days, but Alex made an amazing start, and for that, I am forever grateful to him. Tomorrow, I have many poodles to clean and clip, and much bedroom to clean, organize, and clear stuff out for donation. And the lovely scrubbing of the bathroom. Can I say I really hate this? I really hate this. And I'm kinda hating that Alex is so much better at sticking with it than I am. But hey, at least he's sticking with me. He is my helpmate. Ain't that Biblical? I'm thinking that, technically, I'm supposed to be his, but it works both ways, right?

Men, let me just tell you a secret about your women. Bring them flowers? Very sweet and touching. Candy? Again, a thoughtful gesture, and depending on her emotional state, possibly contains an element of self-protection, especially if it's fine chocolate. Take her out for a night on the town? Shows your spontaneous side, and even better if you plan everything ahead of time and she has to make no decisions beyond what to wear. BUT--take it from me--clean the house that you and your woman share? Mop the floors, scrub the toilet, dust vacuum, etc., all without being asked...and you are elevated to the Mount Olympus of ROMANCE. That's right, in ALL CAPS. ROMANCE. Try it and see if I'm not right. There's no way you're not getting rewarded for that. She will, as I am about to do, at LEAST watch "The Outlaw Josie Wales" with you without complaining. At least.


  1. i am SO glad that the plan ended up being cleaning and NOT dismembering.

    and you would have less to do without so many freakin' poodles.


  2. I keep trying to tell the Prof that him cleaning the house is what I want for my birthday/anniversary/Christmas/Valentine's Day, but no dice yet. He always laughs when I say it, but girl, I am dead freakin' serious. You have yourself a regular Don Juan over there.

    And is it me, or does Mr. Clean have a sarcastic smirk on his face?

  3. Jen, lay off the freakin' poodles, or I swear I will ship one to freaking CANADA.

  4. Kristin, I think that smirk might be some kind of a come-on to sailors on shore-leave.

    Alex's response about the "Don Juan" comment--"You got that right, Baby." Help me.

    I asked for a clean house for my birthday THIS YEAR too!

  5. I have to admit, with my head hung in shame, that my husband is a much better housekeeper than me! Here I am, home alone all day, nothing to do, and he's the one getting the boys all fired up to help with laundry and bathroom scrubbing. And I'm glad to see he's not the only one who wears those Playtex gloves while cleaning!

    Um, what was the rope for again?:)

  6. Geo and I share the housework for the most part. He does the crap I refuse to do and I'll do the rest.

    And standard poodles are cool. i hate toy poodles. Nippy little things. Two bit me when I was kid (one bad enough for a butterfly stitch). As for standards, I love'em.

  7. Elizabeth, the rope is to tie down what I am assuming will be a huge load of junk to take to the dump on a big flatbed trailer. Defunct appliances, horrid, broken furniture, and all manner of things that have been lurking out around our storage buildings just waiting to be tossed. Yaaaaaayyy!

  8. Maidink, we find well-bred miniatures to be just like standards, only in a smaller package. They're a nice, medium size dog--small enough to be convient (easier grooming, traveling, etc.), and big enough to be sturdy and unbreakable like some toys. While I have met toy poodles (really well-bred ones, which are few and far between) who were delightful, Alex and I had one, and said, "never again". Um, he was not a good specimen. ;-)

  9. Holy chowder! They come in three sizes?? I didn't know.

  10. You betcha! Check it:

    Has a great picture from this year's National, illustrating well the size differential between the three varieties.

    You can see my standard boy (may he rest in peace, Good Dog) here:

    And here is a post where you can see Delta (standard) and two of my girls being shown, to give you an idea. Note--my girls are on the small side for minis, Hope being not quite 13.5", and Gabby even smaller, though I haven't measured her.

    Oh, and the dancing poodle in my profile pic is Reggie, a retired champion miniature. Now, will someone please teach me how to make hyperlinks instead of just copying URLs?

  11. There's a whole kinkyness to Mr. Clean, rubber gloves and Clint Eastwood that I am just NOT gonna touch! :-)

  12. And it's been brought to my attention that I didn't say that he was neccessarily wearing anything BUT the rubber gloves. Hmmm. Don't think I will. ;-)

    And he's hunky, too! Check it: