Wednesday, August 31, 2005

TO MY LURKING FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS

Reading my blog and then NOT leaving at least an occasional comment will hereafter carry a stiff penalty of public, internet-wide (remember, I have an audience of tens) humiliation. And I have dirt on all of you, and you know it. Just a sampling (you may recognize your own specific example(s)):

*Bad Hair Photos
*Big Hair Photos
*BIG BAD Hair Photos
*Really, Really Digging Neil Diamond and/or K.C. And The Sunshine Band
*Having Lots of K-Tel Records
*Stories of Sudden, Astonishing Lack of Coordination Resulting in Mayhem and Hilarity
*Dating the Devil
*Dating a Monchichi
*Dating Curious George
*Dating People Who You Now Wish No One In The World Knew About--But I Do.
*Cross-Dressing Photos
*Bucksnort
*Totally Wrecking My Bicycle Because You Were Trying To Ride It WHILE CARRYING AN UMBRELLA
*Shiny Satin Disco Shorts
*Sparkly Disco Skates
*Loving The Song, "Disco Duck" by Rick Dees
*Actually reading, enjoying and recommending "The Bridges Of Madison County".
*Devastating crushes on Shaun Cassidy and/or Parker Stephenson
*Cross-Dressing while Pants-Wetting Photos
*Drunken Stupidity which I either Witnessed or Heard Over the Phone
*Things You Said That You Wish You Hadn't
*Etc. (This category should frighten you all considerably. This is the "grab bag" of embarrassment).

You get the idea. I do have a streak of Dorothy Parker (albeit slower, and with a smaller vocabulary) in me; Don't make me use it. COMMENT!

That is all.

13 comments:

  1. OK, I don't want to risk it. I promise to provide an occasional comment to your ever-entertaining blog. I am hopelessly addicted to reading it daily, and have even been known to check it out while I'm at work (during my break time, of course)! Love ya!

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  2. SO, you have resorted to THREATS. Well my dear, I don't think that you have any dirt on dear little Britt. I read through your list and frankly only etc. is the only one that could affect me BUT just in case, I will comment. HE HE!!! Why not be more safe than sorry

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  3. OH, and I should add--for Mel and all employers across the nation: NO ONE BLOGS AND/OR READS BLOGS ON COMPANY TIME. THAT WOULD BE WRONG, AND WOULD VIOLATE THE BLOGGERS' CODE OF ETHICS WHICH WE ALL SWORE TO IN A SECRET CEREMONY BEFORE BEING ALLOWED TO START BLOGGING.

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  4. You crack me up so much. And I think Alex is kissing butt because he knows you'll sic those poodles on him in a heartbeat.

    Keep up the comments, family members. She's one crazeegurll.

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  5. I can't disrespect Alex today--he not only brought home dinner because I'm still really sick and feeling crappy, he also had the insight (ESP?) to bring home precious chocolate which will help ward off CRAMP DAY (See post, "Uterme, Uteryou, Uterus").

    But the friends and family, they are driving me nuts--they will read something, and then EMAIL ME PRIVATELY to basically say (I paraphrase) "I really enjoyed what you wrote today but I'm embarrassed to have anyone in the world know about it."

    Y'all should check out margalit's blog sometime, too. Thoughtful lady, for a Yankee (joke! joke!).

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  6. Dear love of my life, you fascinate me in so many ways. Days grow to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years, and yet I find new intricacies, qualities and depths within you to cause my love for you to grow and grow. You are a great glorious rose, whose numerous petals are each even more fragrant and sweet than the last. I love you. Your Husband.

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  7. Mel, I *think* the worst thing you ever did to me was to trick me into thinking those noises outside were Santa's reindeer on the roof on Christmas eve and freak me out because if I wasn't asleep he wouldn't leave my presents--ACK! But I'm sure with therapy I could recover some repressed memories, so better safe than sorry.

    Britt--think again, my child. You see, your problem here is that I've known (and spent considerable time with) you since BEFORE you were of age to retain long-term memories. So heck, I could make stuff up, for all you'd know. But I don't have to, if you get my drift. Heh, heh.

    Alex--I am getting from your tone that you have much to fear. Which is correct. Of course, since you also sincerely love, cherish, and adore me, I am accepting that as your sole motivation for your sweet words. Love you, My Pretty Man!!!

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  8. hi, it's me, we're not related but you scared me anyway cuz i'm in about 12 of those categories and a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do....

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  9. You didn't love Disco Duck?? Come on, that's an American classic, much like My Old Kentucky Home or Copland's Rodeo or, or, or, OR BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY!!! So I'm safe now, right? I've commented. Of course, an appreciation of fine music seems to be the only thing I was guilty of anyway.

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  10. Well, that and the Shaun Cassidy thing. Marrying the Devil didn't seem to make your list. GOOD

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  11. Yes, "KLD" (you sly anonymous dog), make me admit it--I roller-skated IN my shiny disco shorts AND my sparkly disco skates to the RIck Dees song, rolling around squatted down holding one leg up in my hands like a shotgun...WHAT WAS THAT?!? But marrying the devil was NOT your fault--remember, he can appear in pleasing forms. Why, he first appeared to Faust in the form of a black poodle!

    And Nita? Me, too. Sometimes, in college, my hair would be so tall, and so "spiral-permed", and so full of Aqua-Net (to maintain the height, you know), that it would snag on the fabric roof of my Nissan Sentra. Those were the days, my friend.

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  12. I don't believe that I fall into any of those categories, but I will publicly admit that I enjoy reading your craziness! :-)
    Can't wait for the day when you write about when your child leaves you a secretly created masterpiece of Band-Aids on the underside of your tiolet lid. The day is coming, be prepared. :-D

    Michelle

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  13. You don't think I got stuff on YOU? Puh-LEEEEEZE. Heck, you just practically outed yourself!

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