Monday, August 01, 2005
You are not welcome, Raccoon Squatters in my barn. Begone. Yes, you're cute. That mask, those tiny little hands...who could not think you were precious? Well, me. One of the three (that I know about) of you scares the living wampus out of me nearly every time I turn the lights on in the barn at night. And I don't know who you might be fooling, but I, for one, have seen the glint of evil in your eyes (see photographic evidence).
A few acres north, you'll find my neighbor's barn. It's MUCH nicer than mine. Go there. Or, if you can make it across the road to the east a couple acres, there is another huge barn, where, I happen to know, there are chickens, pigeons, and EGGS. Dozens and dozens of them, just ripe for the stealing.
Seriously--there has to be a more hospitable place for you, even if you are totally eschewing the forest. A place without a truckload of loud ninja-esque poodles and an obviously worthless barn cat to deal with. Where people will not start chucking empty Panacur tubes at you as you perch in the rafters. Please. Think about relocating.