Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Don't Mess With Texas' Dowagers

My charming friend Linda H. from Tennessee (another poodle nut--or, in tribute to jenB, "FREAKIN' POODLE NUT") sent this. I listened, and laughed, and then felt bad for laughing...a little. I can guarantee that when Alex hears it, he will laugh so hard that his face will turn red, tears will flow, and he will begin to wheeze. And then he'll have to play it again because he was laughing so hard the first time through he missed half the dialogue.

My editorial on this piece is this: Women have hard lives. We live with a lot of aggravation, turmoil, and seemingly impossible multi-tasking on a daily basis and for the most part just swallow it. Because that's what we are--the peacemakers, the hostesses, the "handlers". Especially if we have lived our lives in the South (and I'm making a rare exception by including Texas for this purpose, even though they would normally have their own designation), it is ingrained in us to prevent and soothe awkward situations and unpleasant confrontations.

An example: If, at a dinner party we were hosting, some guest just went bug-nuts and starting disrobing and doing the Macarena in the living room, we would ignore him, steer you gently toward the buffet in the dining room, and inquire as to the health of your dear mother. (Meanwhile, our husband would have been discretely dispatched by nothing more obvious than an arch look by us in his direction to deal with the naked dancer.) NOTE: The exception to this rule would be if the dinner party happened to be at the home of
Matthew McConaughey.

Generally speaking, this does not make us bitter or resentful, it's just part of what we are. But at some point, if we live long enough, I've got to imagine that the day will come when we've just HAD ENOUGH. Just remember that, guys. Be good to little old ladies...especially those armed with parasols, handbags, and Bibles. The rule of thumb for Southern ladies is, we're mostly Melanie...but Scarlett is always there when the going gets REALLY rough.


  1. i need freakin' subtitles to understand what he is saying!

  2. And funnily enough, we understood every word. Technically, "Texas" dialect and accent are different from "Southern" or just plain "Redneck" or "Hillbilly", but it's all the same English to us. We realize it when we hear Bella adding extra syllables to words, i.e. "I bonked my HAY-ed!"

    So, you can't tell what he's talkin' aboot, eh? Heh, heh, heh.

  3. SERIOUSLY, dancing around playing bongo drums in the nude??? Interesting theory.