Wednesday, July 13, 2005
"I Needa Make You Happy!"
And you really, really do, my darling girl. You know Mommy's had a bit of a rough time lately. I lost my Daddy last September, and I've really had a hard time trying to redefine my place in a world where he isn't. I'm not there yet, but you are helping me fill in the pieces slowly but surely, day by day. As is your Daddy. And the rest of my amazing, too-wonderful family. I want to be around a long time for you, Bella, so I can tell you all about the things you're too young to remember, like how your Granddaddy doted on you, and how he's responsible for your serious popsicle habit. Like the way you name all the Star Wars charcters: Dark Beater, Chewbacca (go figure), Yoga, and Roobot Tootie. How you *adore* your cousin Grayson (those will be particularly sweet memories when you're both teenagers and annoying each other to pieces). How you inherited your great-grandmother Helen's appreciation of all things pretty and special. And lots, lots more, that I will devote particular attention to in later entries. But what I'm wanting to commit to writing in the wee hours of this particular insomniac morning is how very much I appreciate the ritual you've invented in recent weeks--the one in which several times throughout the day, usually when I just happen to need it the most, you fling yourself into my lap, throw your smooth little arms around my neck for a hug, then grasp my face in both of your warm little hands and say, "Mommy, I needa make you happy." Then you give me a great big kiss, complete with "MMMMWAAAA!" sound effect, lean back, smile, and say, "Dere! Now you are HAPPY!" And you are 100% correct, every single time.